An Appropriate Boner

[Forsaken]

Power of The World Tree


Grace of The Yggdrasil: Roots
Rank: C
Type: Offensive / Special Bloodline Technique / Nintaijutsu
Range: hand to hand
Handseals: yes
Chakra: Mid
Special: Meter long claws and can add an extra claw each time retrained max at 4 retrains.
Description: The user gathers their chakra along their arms building up calcium before rapidly growing out sharp claw-like blades. These razor sharp curved blades protrude from the back of each of their forearms. the bone claws curve upward over the users hands protecting them slightly and have the power and durability of the user's Calcium Compression rank.
Domain: Kaguya, "C" rank Calcium Compression

Grace of The Yggdrasil: Splinter
Rank: D, C, B
Type: Offensive / Special Bloodline Technique / Nintaijutsu
Range: 25 Meters
Handseals: no
Stamina/Chakra: D - Low, C - Mid, B - High [per volley]
Special: Must learn "D" rank for Grace of The Yggdrasil: Roots, "C" rank for Branches, and "B" rank for Crown active. Fires 10 needles while Roots are active, 20 with Branches, or 40 with Crown. Max of 4 volleys a thread.
Description: After performing the Grace of Yggdrasil: Roots, branches, or crown, the user will push a concentration of calcium through the core of the bone claws and will push out bone splinters from the core, quickly firing small needles with incredible accuracy at their target(s). each rank must be learned to integrate it further into the Tree.
Domain:Kaguya, appropriate rank of Calcium Compression. Grace of the Yggdrasil: Roots, Branch, and Crown

Grace of The Yggdrasil: Trunk
Rank: D, C, B, A, S
Type: Defensive / Special Bloodline Technique / Nintaijutsu
Range: self
Handseals: yes
Chakra: D - Low, C - Mid, B - High, A - High x2, S - High
Special: Protects the user from incoming attacks, must have the rank of his technique for the attack repelled. Can reconstruct the defense with the appropriate amount of chakra
Description: The user pushes a layer of bone out over their upper arm thick and designed to repel incoming blows. The size of the bone shield created will be in best proportion to the attack being blocked though can only block against head on attacks.
Domain: Kaguya, appropriate rank of Calcium Compression, Grace of the Yggdrasil: Roots.

Grace of The Yggdrasil: Branches
Rank: C
Type: Offensive / Special Bloodline Technique / Nintaijutsu
Range: 2 meters
Handseals: yes
Chakra: Mid
Special: 5 extra claws on each upper arm following the growth of the Roots as strong as the user's Calcium Compression rank. Cannot be active at the same time as Bark.
Description: Drawing on the same construction of the claws along their forearms the user will grow more along the Trunk adding to their offensive capabilities.
Domain: Kaguya, "C" rank Calcium Compression, Grace of the Yggdrasil: Trunk.

Grace of The Yggdrasil: Crown
Rank: S
Type: Offensive / Special Bloodline Technique / Nintaijutsu
Range: 2 Meters
Handseals: Yes
Chakra: High x2
Special: creates 20 claw-like bones on the user's back. as strong as the user's Calcium Compression rank.
Description: The user will take the concept of Roots and grow the bone blades from the spine ribs and shoulder blades that will spread out towards the users shoulders. As the calcium builds up along the bones of their back they willrapidly grow and burst from the back curving outward in a deadly pattern much like exaggerated thorns.
Domain: Kaguya, "S" rank Calcium Compression. Grace of the Yggdrasil: Trunk.

continues to narutorplay.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=customs&thread=11887

[vegapunk]

Please refer to the customs rules; only (5) customs are allowed in a single thread. Edit that and I'll have a look for ya. ^^

[Forsaken]

fixed it link to the rest is at the bottom of the post

[vegapunk]

Firstly, it would be good if you could model the layout of these technique's by how the other Kaguya jutsu are i.e type, domain, and range. Also, try to use meters as the unit of measurement.

* Grace of The Yggdrasil: Roots: Make this retrainable - as in the user of this jutsu can initially create one bone blade on each forearm, with an additional bone blade on each forearm, maxing it at 5.

* Grace of The Yggdrasil: Splinter: This is very confusing. What are the crowns and how do they allow more needles to be released? I see the branches part but that should be included in the domain. This needs to be completely reworded..

* Grace of The Yggdrasil: Trunk: This should be multi-ranked - with the corresponding rank of this jutsu able to block attacks that equal that rank i.e B-rank Trunk can block B-rank incoming technique's. Perhaps note something about the size of the 'trunk' varies compared to the size of the attack in question.

Ok, ok. I am going to stop here. Fundamentally, the idea behind these jutsu are all good enough to be approved and will be handy to have in a users arsenal, however, the way they are right now they will not be approved. I am afraid they are too rough to be approved at the moment and they will need a lot of work before they will be. Now, like I said, these ideas are completely fine it is just how they are being expressed (written) that is the problem. Area's you need to focus on;

• Grammar and spelling. Make sure you use capitals at the beginning of a description etc etc (very basic stuff that you know).
  
• These jutsu need bulking up! 55 posts down I am more than confident that you know how the systems work on this forum. We mostly use meters as a unit of measurement, things that require corresponding ranking are multi-ranked, and if you want the numbers increased on a jutsu then we use "retraining" to solve that.
  
• The descriptions are more like specials the way you written them. Personally, I craft my descriptions similar to an RP description of the user. It should detail how the jutsu would be used in an IC situation i.e "After performing the necessary handseals, the user will mold chakra using their unique calcium compression in order to form bones around the forearm. These bones.." similar to that. You should aim for at least 4 to 5 sentences in a description at least.
  
• Always look at how other jutsu in the group (like same clan, kg etc) are written and try to replicate it. They should be used as a template for what you are writing for logical reasons.

-- I would like you to focus on making only a couple of jutsu at a time and try to get them approved. Having a list of ideas is awesome! But, at your stage, these ideas are coming across as they should. I say get rid of bark and perhaps splinter and focus on the others for right now. I'll help you through the process! ^^

[Forsaken]

fixed roots and trunk as for splinter, crown is another part of the set. but cuz of the 5 tech per customs I had to cut the list. I got rid of bark and put crown in though to make it easier

[Not Masakuni]

Masakuni arrives.

[1.] Splinter - Alright. First of all, being supplementary to Roots, you should mention in your description that Roots should be performed first. Something to the effective of 'after performing the Grace of Yggdrasil: Roots technique, blah blah blah. This also needs to be explained better. How do the bones claws turn into splinters? I know its obvious, but its never actually mentioned in the technique. We go from talking about claws to needles with no intervening transition. Also, the speed of a kunai is a vague measurement we're trying to phase out. Use metres per second, please.

[2.] Trunk - I'm saying no to the low reconstruction cost. It should cost the same amount of chakra to form this after it has been broken through each time. Speaking of that, there should be a chakra range here instead of a single value; Low-Massive.

[3.] Branches - This one should be scaled back. Consider that you're supporting the weight of a thick layer of bone-shielding, followed by ten metre long claws coming out of it. As formidable as Kaguya bones are, they're not made of spider-silk and carbon nanotubes; all of that bone is going to be almost too much to lift, let alone use effectively. I know there's a certain amount of leeway on this site when it comes to weight, but this seems like a bit much.

[4.] Crown - Same point as No. 3.

[Forsaken]

fixed them not sure what you meant by scaled back but I dropped the numbers

[Not Masakuni]

Good, we're getting there.

[1.] Splinter - Change the chakra consumption to Low-High per volley.

After that, we should be good, unless I'm missing something. ^^

[Forsaken]

kk fixed it ty ^^

[Not Masakuni]

Looks good to me, I think.

[1|3]

[Exar Kun]

2/3

[Forsaken]

sweet 1/3

[vegapunk]

3/3