Confessions; part two [P]

[Areru]

It had been several years since I’d been cured of the illness which had plagued me- I’d been free from its grasp for years now. Of course colds had rendered me feeling ill and various other things but it hadn’t been this bad in a while- But I was sure it wasn’t anything serious. I’d been away today helping hunt down one of Kumogakure’s recent shinobi who thought they could get away with attempting to steal from the village treasury and I’d just been pushed too far. Tracking was my forte and I was sure that I was one of the best in the village, but I had to react more offensively today in order to make sure that he’d get taken in without problems. I’d worked myself up too much, which happened to everyone I guess. Currently sprawled across the sofa which I claimed many hours of nap in each day, my face scrunched up a little, it was quite easy to say that I wasn’t feeling my best, but I didn’t want to worry him, so with my composure returning to normal I’d then burrow in to the sofa again, wrapped up in a brown blanket as the TV reeled the news, something I, honestly, enjoyed watching.

Perhaps the effect of the work that blonde had done had worn off over time? I’d only felt like this before I’d been treated and to be honest by now it was an alien feeling to me. I couldn’t tell him that after so long we’d been together, the golden band on my wedding finger- That all of it had been for nothing. Our small home, all of the things that we’d been part of over the last nine years- All of it- Gone. I couldn’t just succumb to it- I couldn’t- ”…….” Sniff. Involuntarily the corners of my eyes parted, revealing what would appear to be two thick lines of tears. Almost angrily I’d draw my hands and rub them off my pale face, resting my head again on a slightly less than plush pillow. What would I tell him? It wasn’t exactly something that you could just go up to someone and say- Even him, who’ I’d been with for so long. Our bond had foundations of trust- I’d feel guilty not to tell him what I thought was wrong with me- But then again, I was scared to tell him. Nausea following, I’d rise from my position.

The place was a bit more spacious than Kaeor’s old apartment. It was a house after all, but despite the fact that over the years we had saved, I was never fond of large houses. Coming from such a large family who lived in a small house, it wasn’t overpopulated, but, cosy. Pacing back and forth in the living room for a few moments I’d soon take a turn and route myself towards the kitchen as I soon met the sink, both of my thin hands gripping on the sides for a few moments as I positioned my face overhead. It was hard to think back and remember that I’d felt similar to this each day in my younger years. However- Being aware that this was the kitchen I’d soon move over and change my direction to that of the downstairs bathroom after having figured that if I did throw up, then it would be better to smell it in the bathroom rather than where we prepared food. Lifting the lid, I’d in the meantime lean back against the towel rack, with one hand on my left temple, and the other hanging limp to my side.

I was unsure exactly of when exactly he’d be coming back, but between now and that time, I’d need to think of what to say. My own ANBU equipment was sprawled out around the living room- Armour on the table and mask on the sofa whilst my weaponry also resided the nearby armchair, I was left wearing a black base layer- A black shirt and standard shinobi trousers. The familiar feeling of nausea returning to me, I’d lower myself and then vomit in to the toilet- Disgusting to some, but I felt quite relieved afterwards with the both of my hands holding my long black hair behind me. Flushing the chain, I’d then back up to the towel rack again, and grabbing a piece of toilet paper, wipe my mouth before placing the used piece in the bin next to me. Exhaling deeply, I’d then close my eyes- He did everything to stop this- I can't tell him. it was a battle of morals at the moment. If I told him, he’d be heartbroken. If I didn’t tell him and I kept feeling worse, then he’d be even more heartbroken. I was going to hurt him either way. Opening my eyes to look straight in front of me at the mirror; I looked pale and dishevelled with my eyes looking as if I was on the verge of crying, which wasn’t really a good look. Running my left hand through my hair, I’d wait for the feeling to pass. Of course, there were several other ideas of possibilities in my head, but this seemed like the most plausible out of them all.

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[Kaeor]

Without a knock, but with a key I'd open the door to our lovely abode. In my hands were two large brown bags full of groceries that Areru requested the night before. I had found time from after I got off work to go do it all. And so far everything about my day was overly bright. Not to mention since Areru permanently moved in with me I had always felt a bit better. It was as if I knew that she would always be there for me. Even though in the past there never wasn't a moment where I doubted such. But with my untimely disappearance I knew I had left the impression that I was the exact opposite. Over the years I had made it a goal to change such and I was pretty confident that I was changing indeed. With the brown bags cuddled into my chest my body shuffled towards the kitchen. I hadn't heard a silly boo peep from Areru and usually she would spring from behind somewhere. After all, she was my muse for life with her energetic ways.

"Honey?" My voice would ring throughout the house almost as if it was searching for her itself. It wasn't normal not to hear her say a thing but I was sure she was just asleep or something. "I brought the groceries you wanted dear." I exclaimed happily. Setting it all down I would think to also put them up. But for some reason the silence in my home caught my attention even more. Did Areru go by her fathers or something?

"Babe. Are you home?" I'd ask once more before I'd begin the search for my other heart.

[Areru]

With my current predicament, it was just as well that I hadn’t heard him come in because I didn’t even know when he was coming- But as a loud and distinctive shout rung through the entire house I knew that he was back- Perhaps at the worst time as well. Quickly realizing that staying in here for too long would be quite strange, I’d gather my courage, take one final look in the mirror to make sure that I at least looked presentable- I looked more ghostly than presentable, but it would do- I’d then take one deep breath before exiting the bathroom and closing the door, turning the light off as I’d leave. Of course, I still felt.. sick, but I was sure that I could cover that up- To some point, of course. Last thing I wanted was to be sick all over him, it wasn’t exactly the best of greetings. As his shouts continued to echo thorouought the house we shared. In order to break the silence that was on my part, I’d say; ”Did you get the bread I wanted?” I’d ask aloud, my voice perhaps a little bit shaky from nerves, but it was nothing too noticeable. Approaching the kitchen I’d soon see him with two bags on the table- And in a very me like fashion, I’d take a nose at them both, just to have a look at what he’d bought- From what I could see, he’d bought everything.

”Sorry- I was having a nap.” I’d say, apologizing for having not responded earlier. I did look a bit sleepy, but it was simply highlighted by the fact that I looked quite pale in contrast with how I usually looked, but I hoped that he didn’t notice- I didn’t want to explain to him exactly what I think was wrong- Not now anyhow. There was a time and place and I wasn’t even sure if that illness was back or not. ”So- Tell me about your day. How was it?” I’d ask with more of a cheeky perk than it had minutes ago as I’d begin my rush of the kitchen, moving across the room with tins, condiments and various food items in my hands as I placed them back in their designated places, checking each one as I done so. Black hair falling gently to my shoulders, albeit a little messy, my uncovered feet would press against the floor with each step, bringing a slight cold sensation to them- But it was quite nice, really.

Placing a small bag of onions in the vegetable cabinet I’d kneel down swiftly to place them in, before rising again- The movement in question having obviously not responded well with my body, and it resulted in another wave of sickness enveloping me. I’d been used to having episodes similar to this before, several years ago but to see it spring up again was something strange- Especially after I’d been told that it was cleared from me. I was aware of how talented medics could be these days but altering biological makeup was surely something that we didn’t have complete hold of yet. Walking over to the sink and taking a glass from the overhead cabinet I’d then fill it with water, and take a sip, placing it back on the table afterwards before going back to my work putting the things back on the shelves. Busy would be an understatement, but I felt more confident moving about and doing things rather than just sticking about in the same place and not bothering to help. I knew that I was acting a bit strange and perhaps my attempts at covering it up were a bit obvious but- I'd tell him later; Once he'd settled down a bit, right?

I’d lived with this countless years before; and I could do it again.

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[Kaeor]

I would be wrong in my assumption of a slumbering Areru. She would emerge from the hallway though I wasn't certain in what area she came from. More importantly, I was pretty excited to see her like I was some sort of little kid. I had always been pretty happy to see her everyday after work. After all, it was good to set ones eyes on something nice after doing the stuff such as trailing other ninja. "Yeah. I think I got everything that you wanted. Even that new candy you like?" I answered honestly. I had never minded picking up something "extra" for her. She was constantly on my mind so such things constantly happened. You could say that it had become a habit by now. "Today wasn't all that bad. I mostly helped around the village and ran a few errands to neighboring towns. I'm just glad to finally be home." he admitted. Today wasn't anything too difficult. It was more like a average day without combat at best so I wasn't really tired.

I was quite happy to see her, although something felt particularly different. I noticed her unkempt hair which could've rivaled her bed hair. But how would it become so distorted without myself there. She wasn't cheating was she?! I doubted that she would do such a thing to me. But it was better to probably just ask instead of wondering about such. "Areru you haven't been with another guy have you?" I jokingly asked just as she kneeled. I pretty much already guessed the response from her would be a no.

I would help her place some items away and watch as she would get something to drink. I had been dating her for years so it was pretty easy for me to tell when something was wrong with her. And the signs were springing up left and right! Just as she lowered her drink I'd softly embrace her from behind as I held her. I'd give her a soft kiss on the cheek before speaking. "You know you put the onions in the wrong cabinet dear." I pointed out. Something was definitely wrong here.

Yet something changed once I pressed my lips against hers as I turned her head. I had expected to hold the osculation and even turn it a lot more intimate. But once her breath mingled with my own, it would feel as if a strong pollution had entered my mouth. Sharply I retracted though my arms remained around her lovingly but confused. She had forgot to brush her teeth, wash her mouth, or use some sort of mouthwash earlier making it pretty evident to me. But this was more than some little thing as I couldn't decide whether to bolt to the restroom first or remain in her company.

"Is that throw up on your breath?" I'd ask, wondering if she had vomited.

[Areru]

To hear that his own day had gone well was more than I could ask for at the moment. Sometimes he’d come back a bit shaken up- But I was sure that today had been kind to him, or at least from the things that he said it didn’t sound as if he had any disposal to take care of. Perhaps in that small time space my mind had rendered itself blank, but soon after hitting reality again I found myself feeling the same way unsettled as I had been for the past few hours now. ”Just for the record- No.” I’d tell him with a weak smile in regards to his infidelity claim as I’d zoomed across the room, putting things back- To hear that he’d bought the new candy that I’d taken a liking to a few days ago was lovely- But I didn’t’ feel like it right now- All the sugar in it- It wasn’t one of the things that I figured I’d agree with right now- So I’d leave it for later. Moments after rising from my place I soon found arms settling around my thin frame, although the words that he spoke weren’t ones that I’d expected, in fact, as he spoke them, I simply leaned back a little, and looked to where he was indicating.

"You know you put the onions in the wrong cabinet dear."

”..Ah, really? I’m sorry- It’s just-”

My mind was scrambled at the moment as I tried to get myself to find a way to explain to Kaeor of what I feared was wrong- But by the things that he was saying, small little details to ask questions about, I was concerned as to if he had already noticed that there was something wrong. Usually I could pass things like this off without being worried or at least not showing it, but this- I co- ”……!” without warning I was suddenly locked in the kiss, and I knew- I knew what would come next. I’d been in a rush from the moment that I was in the bathroom and to seeing him here, and I had made the mistake of not brushing my teeth- Perhaps for a slight moment that our lips locked I was rendered washed out in appearance as I knew that it was all over, and I’d have to tell him now. I was a pretty calm person usually so to see me like this was a rare sight, even for Kaeor. As he parted the kiss quite quickly after it was initiated, I closed my eyes, expecting the worst to be said- I trusted him not to be mad at me but the sheer reason behind my sickness, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to reveal it- He’d worked so hard to prevent it happening again, and to find out that I could possibly be inflicted again- I felt so bad, even if I wasn’t the one in control of it- Opening my eyes, I’d shakily look towards his.

And he questioned- Asking a simple question. I knew the answer- We both knew it but as soon as he finished speaking, I found myself haphazardly in floods of tears with my teeth biting down as soft as I could on the inside of my mouth to prevent it from happening- But it didn’t halt it. ”K-kaeor, I-” I struggled to get words out simply because I’d been worked up and whatever I did say took at least a bit longer than normal to pronounce correctly, and it sounded shaken. ”I’m s-so sorry! I-I think-” there would be a pause as I gathered what little courage was left in me, my eyes turning away from his own as I prepared to say the next part of my words; I couldn’t face up to telling him, but, coughing a single time to clear my throat and to help compose myself and whatever I’d say next, I’d then take a deep breath; Calm. ”I thought and thought but- I feel so sick-” it took me a good few minutes to say this before finally tearing up at the end which made my words maybe a little undecipherable but, I then soon gave up trying and gave him one look before burying my head in to his shoulder, still feeling the brunt of earlier. His arms soon feeling tight around me I’d then wriggle myself free- Only for the sake of not vomiting all over him- He didn’t deserve that.

But I felt ailing- My head was pounding and had begun moreso after having spilled my thoughts to Kaeor, practically feeling my heart beat on the sides of my head. Raising my arms somewhat so that they positioned on either hip, I’d then exhale out the feeling of nausea that had hit me, eyes closed as my head pointed towards the floor. I’d stay like this for a moment or so before then turning my gaze back towards the white haired shinobi again. I needed him to understand and the last thing I wanted was for him to get upset- But I knew that it would surely happen. I hadn’t felt this ill in several years now, and it was an unwelcome feeling to say the least. Pulling up a seat for myself I’d then sit on it as I recomposed my balance, my gaze still on Kaeor as if I was begging him for forgiveness, or desperately seeking him to understand and not feel too taken aback. There had been other things that I’d thought of which explained my sudden illness but- I failed to believe it- And right now I was so worked up about the reason that I had set my mind on that I couldn’t even begin to think of other explanations for this.

Running my right hand through the inky black hair that I sported, I'd lean back in the chair, my eyes closed as the stressed pink on my cheeks soon dissapeared and gave way to the ghostly white which I had become accustom to over the past few hours.

"I don't know for sure but- I think it may be back-"

I needed to know how he'd take it.

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[Kaeor]

There was a moment of stillness where neither of us knew how to make our next step. I was completely surprised by the foul and eerie taste that clung to her breathe and tainted her pink muscle. The way she looked wasn't frightening, but I could feel that there was more to this situation. The had shut off her eyes to me almost as if she was preparing for the worst. If she expected me to shout, yell, or scold her, then she could relax since I just wanted to know what's wrong. I began to see the tears fall from beneath her light aquamarine eyes. The way she stuttered my name placed me even more on edge, wondering just exactly what she was trying to get across to me. Everything that came from her voice was honest and I was able to tell with the quake of fear that resonated within her volume. "Sorry? What's wrong Areru..?" I inaudibly responded to her brief apology. Sick?

Her head burrowed into my shoulder and immediately accepted her shape. I still was confused as to exactly what she could have been talking about. But she only used me as a relief for a short amount of time before running away. To state that I was only worried was a tremendous understatement. I felt like the reaper had entered my home and sent me a message that he was taking Areru away from me. And that just as well had been what was going on.

"I don't know for sure but- I think it may be back-"

I immediately knew what those words meant. It was then that I felt as if Areru had lifted the whole world and dropped it on my fucking head. I wasn't angry at her for telling me something that she couldn't control. But I felt a fluster of emotions hit me. Hate from the sickness, anger from the news, sorrow and love from Areru, and even more betrayal from Blanche. Most of all though, I was stunned as my mind reflected on everything I had done and the news that had just been placed before my ears. So all I did was sit down in a chair opposite of the table from Areru. There wouldn't be a word said but it was almost as if I was in a trance as I stared at a single spot in the air. I was effectively stunned without anything to say.

[Areru]

So all I did was sit down in a chair opposite of the table from Areru. There wouldn't be a word said but it was almost as if I was in a trance as I stared at a single spot in the air. I was effectively stunned without anything to say.

Watching as he simply pulled up a chair himself and just stared in to what might be considered nowhere with his milky white eyes seemingly lacking something, a rush of guilt moved through me- I knew that he’d be upset- But I wasn’t all that sure, yet. Perhaps it was just that I was good at making people sad, or it was just this situation in particular managed to grab the silver haired Hyuuga by the neck. We’d been together for countless years now, and with the golden ring gently positioned on my right hand- I didn’t want to leave, not him. Sitting down on the chair there would be a further few minutes between us full of silence as I attempted to figure out what to say next to him- I needed to highlight the fact that it was just a guess seeing as I’d been used to headaches and nausea for seventeen or so years of my life- And now that it could be back, I was very flustered as to what it was- Was it even that?

”Kaeor- I don’t know yet for sure..” I’d say barely above a whisper to him as the both of us sat, as I urged to make eye contact with him, but seeing his own eyes so far-off and distant troubled me to the end of the earth and back. ”It’s a possibility- There are several other explanations-” I’d end my words there, as my own gaze faltered and fell to the table that we were sitting by. I could have easily passed it off as maybe a cold, the flu, but it was more than that, I knew it. ”A bug?” I’d ask with a small smile on my face- Of course it was pushed, but I was just trying to lighten the mood at least a little bit. The idea that it was in fact a bug and not what I expected it to be was highly comforting, so perhaps it would be best to attune to the Ignorance is bliss mindframe and just- ”Just you wait- It’s probably just a bug.” I’d tell him as my eyes probed once more to his own, trying to catch them staring at me in turn and the notable fact that I’d slowly begun to regain a healthy tint to my skin.

I’d then, with both hands, reach over the table. Luckily; It being only the two of us we hadn’t needed a large table and it was small enough so that I could successfully move both of my arms over, and then have one of them tug on what close piece of clothing I could find- I was aiming to press my own soft digits over his hands but they were too far away right now but I hoped that he’d reconcile and link our hands- At least that would show that he was at least feeling a little bit better about the situation. ”Hey- We’ll be OK, I know it.” I’d tell him in an attempt to make things better but even from my voice I couldn’t hide the fact that I was terrified as well- But I played it good, hopefully. Shaking my head I’d retract my left hand place it on my left temple as I looked on at him. I couldn’t bear to see him like this.

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[Kaeor]

Have you ever fought so hard to bring a miracle to the world? You cure the plague and disease and everything seems at rest. Life's wonderful. There's nothing to complain about. You essentially have no worries beyond the little things that don't even matter at the end of the day. For the most part, that's how Kaeor felt. That's how he used to feel. The news that Areru delivered decimated the utopian world that he clutched beneath his chest. That blonde ninja had taken him for a fool. What he had demanded from her was something that was supposed to be permanent. It was probably with an awry smile that she gave some sort of fleeting promise to the white eyed god. How could he had been so naive?

Areru's words lingered in the background. They were looking fo - no. They were reaching for some sort of excuse to dismiss her woes. They were looking for an excuse to free Blanche from the hook she created for herself. Even if he was shocked, he still could hear her sorrowful words and affected hope trying to reconcile the bad situation. "A bug.." he repeated. The way he stated the words would've made you believe that he was finally turning towards her false perspective of the grim circumstances. "I'm your husband 'Reru." he started, ending his first line decisively with her nickname. "I may be stunned and saddened, but one thing I'm not is stupid." The comment was sharpened as the words flew off the tip of his tongue. It held all the pain and anguish that had festered in the pit of his stomach. It was only for half a second that her hands would've touched his fabric. But in an instant, the shinobi would rise and eliminate any link that had come together between the two.

"Yeah. I know everything will be alright."

The hostility of the words were above and beyond whatever he could fathom. He was angry and rightfully so. Soratsu. Blanche. They must've been in some sorts of cahoots in all of this. He had been nothing but a willing pawn on a chess board. But now his feet traverse to his bedroom and with a swing of the door, the closet where they kept their mission clothing, gear, and weapons. He quickly began to strap on only the most deadly and useful items on his person, obviously indicating that he was on the hut. Typicall there was a method to an angered persons madness. But unfortunately in this scenario, no method existed. Only anger and sorrow for the one that meant most to him - Areru.

[Areru]

It was without any kind of strength that I held myself up at the moment as I sat and watched him as he selected his words carefully and surely tried to get to grips with the severity of the situation. I was unsure exactly what was running through his mind at the moment which worried me as I could read him like a book. One thing was for sure; I could easily tell beneath the words that he spoke that he was angry- Angrier that I’d ever seen before, and to say the least, it made me scared. He repeated my words in a tone so.. twisted that I was unable to understand what he was trying to get at. Although I was unsure at the moment of what was happening I placed my best bets in that it wasn’t what I dreaded, although there was that small chance that Kaeor himself seemed so eager to follow along with, and even I couldn’t sway his judgement at the moment and in some emotional frenzy my eyes gave way to tears as I clamped on to his sleeve for dear life, as if should the connection break, then I’d have lost him- Which was exactly what happened as he tore away from my grasp and I could only look on as he rose, the sting of his words still biting at my mind.

”..Kaeor..!”

I mouthed, unable to word his name correctly.

I couldn’t take it.

What sickness had plagued me before he arrived reintroduced itself from the mixture of emotions which flooded through my body at the moment and for a minute or two I was sure that I was going to throw up- I just felt sick to have him leave and in the end and all I had to blame was myself for even bringing it up. Lying would have been an easier route to take but he’d have surely slammed it all back on me should my guesses have been true. If he’d have stuck around for a few moments I’d have desperately channelled him to try and understand that it couldn’t be the reason behind it but there were several others as well, but as he soon left me alone in the dining room, I took my hands in my head and waited there for a moment or so as I tried to think of what to do. From the way that he’d moved and his footsteps, he’d made his way towards the bedroom, and quickly tearing myself from the chair I’d follow him with slightly dizzy steps, soon anchoring myself in the doorway of our bedroom as I watched him near our weaponry cupboard which stored the items which he and myself were placed when unused as I just watched in horror as he charged on with what personal mission he’d set himself on, although preventing his exit, I stood in the doorway with both hands clasped tightly to either side as my left arm then rose and placed itself near my mouth for a moment or so, if to prevent myself from vomiting.

”Please don’t do this-” I’d beg, my tone horrified as I then removed my arm and placed it determinedly back on the side of the door wishing that he’d just take a moment to re-think the situation. Surely enough I loved him with each passing moment and although I understood the sacrifices he’d done in order to keep me safe from the illness which I had been born with, I was a believer in fate and if it had come back, then truthfully, I was terrified, but I didn’t want him to be the victim in all of this. ”Calm down, please Kaeor- Just for a minute-” I was unable to finish my sentence as I could simply foresee what response he’d give. Looking to the side for a few moments I’d open my mouth to speak but pause, unable to do so as I then watched him load every item possible on to his body; ”What if I’m just ill? Or if it’s just food poisoning- or if I’m fucking pregnant?!” I’d ask, suggesting every idea possible in an attempt to stop him as my own anger blossomed- But should he not calm down and continue the thoughtless rage he was currently in, I stood by the door, not budging for anyone. Not even him.

”I’m not moving, Kaeor.
Not until you stop this!”

I stood with determination in my words as I barked at him with fierce intent with the same ferocity as each of my brothers put together, a part of me which perhaps had only been seen by him once in the past. If he needed to leave, then he'd have to get passed me, and I promised myself to make it one of the hardest tasks possible. I understood what he was doing and who he was going to target- But I wouldn't let him. Not now.

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