Gimme Two Fingers, Bitch!
Dec 6, 2011 12:45:02 GMT -8
Post by Testament on Dec 6, 2011 12:45:02 GMT -8
This was suprisingly less fun than he had pictured it; the amazement and excitement had been all but sucked dry, pardon the pun, and now it was just hilariously boring work. Terribly dull, inexhaustibly tedious, stripper shaking her ass in his face work. Which was doubly depressing because he enjoyed the occassional ass being shaken in his face, or speaking rather honestly, he used to enjoy having the occassional ass shaken in his face but the job had somehow robbed him of the pleasure. Perhaps it was due in part to the fact that he knew he couldn't really allow himself to become carried away like when he was on personal time. He couldn't drink anything stronger than a lager and retain his utmost physical potential so most nights he wouldn't even tease himself, and stuck with water. Not to mention the fact that he had to remain sober enough to write up the report in the morning so that excluded the possibility of damn near every distraction available for purchase, inside or outside the bar, so again he spent most nights chewing gum. And the worst part was his inability to cultivate a decent conversation with the owners of the shaken asses due to him having to remain vigilant all night long. So, as a recap, he on duty in a bar which means he can neither drink, experiment with foreign substances, nor hit on the women he has to pay out of his own pocket to frustrate him sexually. Every pleasure of going to a bar was barred in addition to the fact that he had to spend hours on end with the drunkest sum bitches on that side of the Upper Yard. He really needed that fucking drink right about now.
Tenchishinmei Satsui sat at the bar of Sexy Senbonkers, one of the least prestigious drinking holes in the whole of Kaminari no Kuni, and ordered another sparkling soda water as he fought the urge to jam a kunai into his frontal lobe. The music was blasting; to quote a famous Western philosopher- "you could feel the bass in your chakras" but Satsui was trying desperately to drown out the sounds of everyone around him having a good time. He was in the worst possible spot to do this because the bar was set up in the shape of a cresent moon and acted as a catch all to every sound in the place and vomitted them right back at Satsui. Why was he sitting there? I can tell you want to know otherwise why in the hell would you have asked? He was sitting at the bar because it was made of perfectly reflective crystal or, should I say, it was built around an enormous chunk of perfectly reflective crystal when the establishment was founded a few years after Kumogakure no Sato was first inhabited. It had been much fancier back in those days as it was probably the first, and only, bar in Kumogakure at that time but declining property values had brought the unwanted elements into the neighborhood and now it was just as bad as any seedy joint one could find in Iwa, or even Kiri back in the days before the war. He could see all the debauchery going on behind him, when the lovely lady in front of him wasn't rubbing her laced up G-string in his face, which was actually quite often. He'd chosen this mission for the exact possibility of living out this exact scenario and it was coming back to bite him in the ass harder than Hoshigake on PCP. He took a sip of his drink and then motioned for the beauty to move on so he could try and clear his head for a moment.
The mission was breaking up any bar brawls that broke out but so far this week there had only been one vomitter, two kunoichi's going topless, and one underaged Genin peeing in the corner after getting loaded on White Russians. The vomitter had been thrown out, he'd spent a ridiculous amount of time speaking to the kunoichi's until the proper authorities arrived and asked why they had been allowed to remain topless for so long, and he'd beaten that Genin about the head and face with a table rag he pilfered from a waitress before sending him home to his parents. But there hadn't been an actual brawl in the almost week and a half since he'd taken the mission. Everyone must have been too busy spending their war relief checks to really get on anybody else's nerves but most people had blown through that money by the end of last week. Smart money said that as soon as everyone came down from the sweet high and realized that not all of life's problems were gone just because the war was over, somebody would throw a punch. Satsui was even prepared to be the one to get the ball rolling but then he would be out for his commission and the last ten nights would have been wasted in vain. So, with that in mind, he rubbed his temples and repeated his silent prayer to Jidaishisou to let someone lose their fucking mind before he did and massacred the entire bar. What came next seemed like divine intervention because just as he was thinking that it was as if the entire place fell silent. The DJ's tables actually skipped and the only sound one could hear in the whole place was the slow rotation of the stand. Satsui peered into the wall of crystal before him and found that everyone else had turned to the door so he spun his barstool around and followed their collective gaze.
name; chaotic bar brawls
rank; b
description; Bar brawls are quite possibly the toughest brawls to break up. Everything is so chaotic and one must watch everywhere. The guy behind you could at any second throw you a strong right while the guy in front throws a strong left. People going all out with beer bottles and chairs. Well, usually bars are quite peaceful and mature but one bar in particular has fights every single day. The owner is getting sick of breaking them up and complains that it’s bad for business so he’s asking us to monitor the area and make sure fights don’t break out. Sadly, I doubt it’ll work but still, try your best to keep things civil.
reward; 100 experience, 2,500 ryo
minimum shinobi; one
mission status; interminable
rank; b
description; Bar brawls are quite possibly the toughest brawls to break up. Everything is so chaotic and one must watch everywhere. The guy behind you could at any second throw you a strong right while the guy in front throws a strong left. People going all out with beer bottles and chairs. Well, usually bars are quite peaceful and mature but one bar in particular has fights every single day. The owner is getting sick of breaking them up and complains that it’s bad for business so he’s asking us to monitor the area and make sure fights don’t break out. Sadly, I doubt it’ll work but still, try your best to keep things civil.
reward; 100 experience, 2,500 ryo
minimum shinobi; one
mission status; interminable