-Side Jobs [M][P]

[Not Masakuni]

-What...The Fuck.

SPOILER: Click to show

HELP THE ELDERLY
RANK: D
DESCRIPTION: An old people’s home which promotes independence of the elderly in Kusagakure has requested some shinobi to go out and buy the items that a certain old gent or lady has requested. Due to the short timelimit, your agility as a shinobi comes in to play and you must be successful in collecting the items, as any wrong things bought may result in the mission being jeopardized! The items can range from soap to ready-made meals and the mission is fairly straight forward, so try not to mess up!
OBJECTIVE: Buy the items on the list and deliver them to the elderly!
MININUM SHINOBI: 1
PAY: 25 EXP and 500 Ryo.

Hn.

Tsukune made a displeased sound as he sat impatiently in a plastic chair. He was sitting in the lobby of an old folk's home, awaiting a list of objects he needed to obtain. It was a petty mission, but he reminded himself for the third time that it was the lot of genin to get the lowest missions on the ladder. Someone needed to support the economy of the country, and it was better to give those jobs to kids than waste the talents of the high ranked shinobi on it. He was technically a genin, so he was just going to have to deal with it.

As he was musing, the aid finally walked up to him, a piece of paper clutched in her hands. Tsukune smiled at her warmly. She was a petite little thing, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was the picture of the girl next door. She had to have the heart of one, too, to be working with the elderly. It was just one of those things you had to have a passion for, and Tsukune sure as hell didn't. She explained how important the list was to the client, and he reassured her with a light smile and an acquiescing word.

Standing up, he took the piece of paper from her, shaking her hand with his free one. He turned and walked back into the sunlight, savouring it. The weather in the village was excellent around this time of year. He let a smirk slip across his face for a brief moment, then he looked down at the paper in his hand. There was a nearly illegible list, short and sweet, scrawled across it in black ink. He scanned the items, his eyebrows raising. A jar of peanut butter. Two ping-pong balls. A horse whip. One cucumber. Bring back ASAP!

Tsukune stared down at the list.

What... the fuck.

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[Not Masakuni]

-Conspiracy Theory

Tsukune stared at the list for a second long before taking his eyes away from it. He let out a long sigh, shuddering visibly. He firmly blocked his imagination off from his thoughts, lest it stumble on the likely purpose of those objects. He started off down the dusty road. The best thing he could do was just get it done before he had to think about it too much. Two of the things, the cucumber and the jar of peanut butter.... Oh god... He could get them at the grocery store.

Two blocks.

He just kept thinking that over and over, intently focused on his mental map of the town. He focused on it to the exclusion of everything else, angling for the small grocer that was two blocks down from the retirement home. He made good time, spurred on by mantra he was repeating to himself, and skidded to a halt in front of the door, his feet spinning out a cloud of dirt. He walked in, idly noting the dingle of an actual bell somewhere over the door frame. It was bright, if dingy in the store.

He hurried down the isle, muttering to himself as he scanned the shelves. It took him only a few seconds to find the peanut butter. As he walked up the isle, he noticed a small plastic package, with a pair of bright pink ping-pong balls in it, hanging from a wire rack. He narrowed his eyes at it. The universe was trying to mock him. Either that or the shopkeeper was in on it with the old man. He grabbed the bag, along with a cucumber, and paid without looking at the cashier, hurrying out the door.

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[Not Masakuni]

-Don't Ask

This sucks.

Tsukune hurried down the street, his senses attuned to the task at hand. That task, specifically, was acquiring a horse whip for an elderly client. What he intended to do with it, Tsukune didn't have the slightest clue. He was glad that he didn't. Any of the possibilities that came to mind were liable to leave him with horrible mental scars. Rather than suffer that, he pretended the whole problem didn't exist, and that he just needed a horse whip for... some reason. Some bizarre reason.

Alright, so...

There was already a place in his head, and he was heading for it. There wasn't much call for horse inside of a shinobi village, so he was more likely to find the whip at a less reputable place of business. He arrived outside the shaded windows of one such speciality store. He braced himself, taking a deep breath, and charged into the store. He moved like a whirlwind, grabbing up a rod with a thong of black leather at one end, dropping his money on the counter and escaping the house of sin before more than ten seconds had passed.

He shook his head, holding the thing away from him with reluctant fingers. He wasn't bothered so much by the idea of it; more the idea that an old man and his lady friends would be enjoying it soon. He nearly gagged on that thought. He hurried back to the old folk's home, depositing the items on the counter. The receptionist caught his eye for a moment, giving him a look that begged him not to ask about the list. He nodded once, turning away from her with a slightly sickened frown on his face.

“Don't tell,” he murmured.

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[Not Masakuni]

-Sushi Cat

SPOILER: Click to show

FIND MY DARLING FLUFFLES!
RANK: D
DESCRIPTION: A certain wealthy woman in Kusagakure has a problem- It’s nothing too concerning to the village itself, but she believes it to be the worst thing to happen since the shinobi war. Her cat Fluffles has several times ran away from home and has required assistance in order to find him, and it seems that despite after years and years of escaping the family home, Fluffles continues to toy with the poor woman’s emotions and has gone missing once more- Will anything stop this cat?
OBJECTIVE: Find Fluffles and return him to his owner!
MININUM SHINOBI: 1
PAY: 25 EXP and 500 Ryo.

Tsukune looked over the next mission on his scrap of paper. This time, he was supposed to help find the cat of one of the wealthier women in the village. The cat apparently had a habit of running away whenever it got the chance. There was probably a good reason for that. Still, it wasn't his place to question the owner-pet relationships of the clientele. He just had to finish the job and find the stupid cat. It was fat, fluffy, and white as the driven snow. Of course, it's name was Fluffles.

Freaking rich people.

He closed his eyes, settling himself down on a bench at the side of the road and contemplating his next course of action. It didn't seem too hard to find the cat. It was an animal, and animals had patterns. They had a fixed nature. If he applied his mind to its habits, he would surely be able to track down the tubby little bastard. He cleared his mind of distractions, focusing on what he knew about cats in general, and about this particular one. The facts as they laid before him were simple.

The owner of the cat lived out on a manor near the outskirts of the village, away from the poorer folk. The cat would likely be in the vicinity of that region. It would find somewhere quiet, rather than wander into the unfamiliar noises of the village. If it kept escaping, it was likely that there was one place that it kept returning to; probably a nice quiet nook somewhere in the nearby area. It would want somewhere with plenty of food, but not somewhere with too many humans...

Stupid cat...

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[Not Masakuni]

-Hunger Hideout

Tch.

Tsukune made quick time through the village, heading for the wealthier outskirts. The people out there liked to isolate themselves from the reality of poverty that existed inside the village. A barrier of sorts, one of the burned-out neighbourhoods from the war, stood between the wealthy and the rest of the village, keeping them separate from the unwashed masses. Tsukune rolled his eyes at the thought. Sometimes, civilians were just pathetic. They squabbled over petty things, having no real notion of sacrifice or duty.

Focus on the cat.

He turned his idle thoughts away from mentally eviscerating the more-fortunate, instead focusing on where he was going to find that stupid cat. As he did so, he arrived at the manor he was looking for. It looked much like the others; under construction and far too large. This one, he knew, was the one the cat had disappeared from. If the old mission reports from this job were any indication, the cat was probably still on the grounds. He frowned, stepping foot inside the half-built fence that would one day wrap around the perimeter.

The little bastard was here somewhere. That much he knew. He just had to pick out where. Glancing around at the construction, he frowned and headed out into the grounds, seeking somewhere less active and noisy. It took him a few minutes, but he found a pleasant little alcove, all tastefully sculpted trees and shrubbery, designed to look natural and yet full of the elegant order of human architecture. He sat down for a long moment, humming to himself as he did so, and he went to work...

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[Not Masakuni]

-Sound Bounce

Listen.

Tsukune blocked out his other senses. His eyes were closed; he could not see. His mouth was shut; he could not taste. His nose was still; he could not smell. His hands were idle; he could not feel. He could hear. A steady stream of chakra poured into his ears, sharpening that one sense from a blade into a scalpel. Immediately, he could hear everything around him, down to the little whispers of wind that made rustling sounds as they whispered through the grass and leaves. He craned his neck to the side, listening.

He could hear the heavy footsteps of the workers at the front of the manor. But underneath that, beyond the natural sounds, there was something else; a faint pitter-patter of feather-light feet, accompanied by the slow pulse of a heart and the soft, swift breathing of a small animal. Tsukune smirked, pinpointing the location of the sound. Once he was sure, he opened his eyes, breaking the spell. He leaped to his feet, heading for the tree that he had picked out.

Gotchya.

He scooped up the cat, ignoring its sudden protests. Thankfully, the sleeves of his coat were thick, and the claws flying everywhere were doing him no good. He set off through the ruined buildings, heading back for the mission office. He found the woman waiting with eager arms, and he was happy to hand the cat off to her. It went berserk, trying everything possible to get out of her iron grip. Tsukune rubbed the back of his head, trying to fight down a grin. It wouldn't do to mock the well-to-do of the city...

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[Not Masakuni]

-Slash Fiction

SPOILER: Click to show

CUTTING BACK THE FOREST
RANK: D
DESCRIPTION: Despite the fact that Kusagakure is widely known as a village that harbours all kinds of plants, not all of them are ones that citizens want to see in the village. Sometimes the plants get out of hand and they need cutting back in order to prevent them from growing over paths and becoming menaces, and because of that the village has requested shinobi to go out and cut back some of the plants that have started to become overgrown- cut them back by any means necessary, but don’t go overboard and destroy the plants!
MININUM SHINOBI: 1
OBJECTIVE: Prune some trees and bushes!
PAY: 25 EXP and 500 Ryo.

Eh.

Tsukune was starting to get jaded to the menial tasks he was being asked to do. Maybe he should have just taken one mission at a time, instead of filling up his day's schedule with them. He would have to remember that in the future. He rolled his shoulders, working out a slight kink in the muscles that had built up as a result of hauling around that enormously fat monstrosity of a cat. He hoped he never had to deal with that woman and her pet again. The whole thing had been a waste of time.

His next duty, however, was one that actually had some importance to the village. Surrounded by plants as it was, the Hidden Grass was constantly threatened by the encroachment of nature. Periodically, shinobi had to go out and cut back the plants in order to keep them from spreading into the streets. One had to be careful, though, lest one cut too far. The plant-growth was an essential part of the village's camouflage, and so the ratio of growth to restraint had to be just perfect.

Right, then.

Tsukune glanced down at the paper still gripped in his hand. The site was out, near one of the ruined districts. That much made sense. In the more populated areas, the civilians often took it on themselves to maintain their properties, and so the plants were usually cut back from the downtown and residential areas. It was the broken-down districts, with no one living in the burned-out shells of homes, that often bore the brunt of the forest's relentless assaults. Tsukune folded the paper away, slipping it into his pouch.

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[Not Masakuni]

-Slap Chop

Step.

Tsukune arrived on scene, near the outskirts of Kusagakure. This neighbourhood ran right up against the wall, and the tall trees of the forest were hanging streamers over the wall, draping vines and ivy on to the nearest rooftops. Soon, he knew, those vines would start to flower, and they would spread their spores across the whole neighbourhood. That much, Tsukune could not allow. However, he had to remove them without damaging the buildings, the walls, or the village's camouflage.

Not that he could really damage the wall. It was a powerful thing, well-constructed and properly reinforced, and his techniques wouldn't do much more than scratch it, unless he really put himself into the effort. He could simply jump up there with his knife, but then he would need to make the effort to go and slice each and every one of the vines individually, then collect them up and remove them. He would much rather limit the strain on himself, if he could, and it was better to take the opportunity to refine his abilities as well.

Much better.

With that in mind, he allowed his mind to wander a bit, contemplating the different techniques he had at his disposal. The best would be a cutting attack, one precise enough to allow him to avoid the buildings. It would be better if he had skill in manipulating Fuuton ninjutsu, or, even better, Suiton, which was uniquely suited for precise alterations. However, he had sound under his control, and he knew very well that sound could be something even sharper than the wind, if used right...

[/blockquote]

[Not Masakuni]

-I Hear The Cries Of The Vegetables

Hand seals came together in a measured cadence, one after another. Chakra spiralled out of Tsukune's central core, riding on wires that mixed through his body, almost too small to see. He gathered the chakra, bringing it up towards his mouth, compressing it into a ball of energy, constantly being shaped and molded by the metaphysical power of the hand seals. As he completed the seals, he opened his lips, letting out a slight ripple of a yell. As it left his throat, he molded the chakra into it, fusing them together.

The sound waves focused, coming together into a wide, razor-thin burst that shout out from his lips at high speed. It sung as it flew through the air, creating a kind of destructive music in the air. With a whistle, it severed the vines clinging to the buildings, blasting down the length of the wall in one swift blow. Tsukune let out a long sigh, feeling the drop in his chakra reserves. In a real battle situation, he wouldn't be so frivolous with his techniques, but he could afford to practice here.

Good enough, then.

He spent the next few minutes gathering up the fallen vines, sometimes having to wrench them free from the frames of the buildings. He brought them all together into an empty patch of dirt and gravel, where he set them ablaze, burning away the vegetation. Once the pungent smoke of the fire faded away, he turned away, heading back towards the offices of the Kusakage. His day's work was done, finally, and now he looked forward to collecting a nice fat roll of cash for his efforts...

-Exit

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