Star-crossed.

[Nujabes]

"One thousand, two hundred and twenty-five," I grunted as I extended both arms and benched the full length of the tree once more. I'd been training for little over an hour, and I still hadn't felt so much as a hint of fatigue rack my body. The Hachibi's energy is a lot stronger than I suspected, I thought as I continued to bench the tree. I wonder how far I could go -- what are my limits now?

Since my recent transition, I hadn't spent a lot of time training. The closest thing to a work out that I'd gotten was our little encounter with the Nibi, and that. . . well, there was too much at stake for me to honestly give it everything that I had. It left a strong desire within my chest, and I couldn't help but long for an opponent that I could truly test myself against. "One thousand, two hundred and twenty-six." I continue to speak to myself, alone in this desolate region of Mizu no Kuni's borders.

It was just a clearing in the dense forest; I'd happened by it months ago and decided that it'd be better off used as a natural gym, if anything. It was nice to get away sometimes -- just to clear my head, y'know? "One thousand, two hundred and twenty-seven." Was this war with the Daimyou really what Kirigakure needed? Did we need to retaliate? But, if we didn't, how could I expect them not to try again? There were a lot of things I had to consider, but, none of that mattered at the moment.

"One thousand, two hundred and twenty-eight."

[kaoruko ♥]

[style=width: 400px; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify]"You're slowing down in your old age, Namitsuki."

I had been watching his training endeavors for what felt like hours now, perched in the height of a tree on his far left so that my presence would not be immediately obvious to someone so engrossed in their work. Even after all these years he felt familiar to me. There's no shame in being a stalker — it's part of the shinobi profession, if I remember correctly — so I had no shame in the lascivious way I devoured his body with my eyes, or in the great pleasure I had from being this close without his knowledge. It allowed me to reminisce about the old days, back when my life was simple and I could afford to be childish. Moreover, it was a decent excuse for why I was procrastinating my task, as I refused to directly admit that I was just frightened to approach him. Our relationship was off-and-on, come-and-go, but the years could never be fully bridged after all that had happened while we were apart.

At length I decided there was no use hiding any more and that I was strong enough to stand tall under the force of his anger. Quiet as a fox I had scaled down the tree and approached from his flank, my green eyes widening slightly as the words parted from my lips before I could stop them. There, I tensed, it's been done. I felt my cheek twitch from my nerves and twisted it to my advantage, morphing plump lips into a warm smile that I hope conveyed the emotions I felt, but would never speak. So close, Nami. It was almost surreal, and not because he was bench-pressing a tree ... I never thought I would approach him again.

Time changes us.[/style]

[Nujabes]

What? It was the first thought that ran across my mind as the voice -- so familiar, yet foreign -- broke the silence of the misty forest. From my position on my back, I could see the woman approaching me; the ghost that, up until this point, I had resigned to the fact of never seeing again. How? This was the second though, and in my shock and confusion, my grip upon the tree I had hovering above me faltered.

Thump!!! It was more like a thunderous boom, as the log came crashing down on my chest. I grunted, and grimaced in pain, but didn't break my line of sight with her. Naturally, only one eye captured her -- as the other was bandaged, but it was all that I needed. It was her.

Forcing the tree from my body, it soared off to the side only to crash into treeline. It took me a moment to roll over onto my hands and knees, and even longer to rise to my feet. But, I managed. My shirt was was discarded off to the side, for obviously reasons, but I was otherwise dressed. How long has she been here? I couldn't help but question it. Naturally, it wasn't anything she hadn't seen before-- but, I was curious. Looking down at her now, as I loomed high above, my single visible eye softened its usual intensity.

"Kaoruko," I said smoothly. He named rolled from my tongue as easily as it did all those years ago, without so much as a hint of hesitation or a drop of regret. "You look good." Oddly enough, I wasn't angry with her -- I was actually pleased. Happy, even. Just knowing that she was alright, and alive, was a good feeling. "And, yeah, I know. I'm an old man now," I jokingly teased as I rolled my shoulders. "You're not so young yourself, anymore."

Brazenly, perhaps too brazenly, I reached forward and stroked the blue ink along her cheek. "I see you got your tattoos you always talked about." It felt nice to feel her again.

[kaoruko ♥]

[style=width: 400px; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify]The smile was wiped from my face as I watched the tree tremble and then, as expected, fall on top of him with a crash. I felt every muscle in my body squeeze and relax in quick succession with the urge to rush to help him, but somehow I managed to keep my cool facade intact. I realized that if he could bench-press the tree in the first place, it probably wouldn't do as much damage as it might to, say, someone as fragile as myself. I smirked and shifted my weight slightly as he threw the tree off to the side like a toy, lifting my left hand to grasp my hip in the most open, approachable, and unfazed manner as I could muster. Inside, though, my heart was beating rapidly against my rib cage — so hard, I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and the pounding sensation almost hurt.

"I always look good," I teased in return, lifting my gaze from where it had lingered on his bare chest to instead make eye contact. I noted the bandage and stored that in the back of my mind as I tipped my head up, meeting the warmth of his hand more eagerly than I should have. I knew he would notice the pain that flashed through the emerald orbs as I took a step back then, nodding lamely. "I got them not long after ..." after I left you. After I abandoned you. "... I settled down for a while."

I pivoted on my heel and then slunk around him, circling like a vulture would a dying animal. He was in great condition for his age, thankfully; I studied every inch of him with open interest. "You look good too, even after all these years. I'm not surprised. You've always had a penchant for staying at your physical peak." I stopped when I was behind him, my hand inadvertently moving to brush the clothed area of my hip where his tattoo had been engraved into my skin. Those long days alone, I sometimes wondered why he did not use this to come see me, but I knew it was for the same reason I chose not to seek him out — it was not like he had not become a high-profile character in recent times.

Assuming Namitsuki had not turned to face me, I would extend my arms and step forward, wrapping them about his waist with a sigh. Carefully, I touched the tip of my nose against the curve of his spine and then nuzzled, drinking up the feeling of his damp skin and re-memorizing his scent. It was a bold move to make, considering how long we had been apart, but it felt natural to me. I didn't care if I overstepped my boundaries; in any case, this show of affection would not last long enough for him to retaliate in any meaningful way. Instead, I squeezed him into a hug and then released, retreating with a few backpedaling steps.

Should I?

He doesn't need to know.

I don't need his help.

Do I?

"Nami," I purred his name, lifting my hand to flick back locks of lemon that had recently been styled in a more conservative, feminine manner than my usual 'do. "I just came here to tell you that we have a son. I named him after you. But he's gone missing, you see. I was hoping you could help find him."[/style]

[Nujabes]

My hand returned to my side as she retreated from the tender touch of my fingers upon her cheek, but it didn't stir any ill emotion from me. I'd already suspected that the gesture had, perhaps, been too much considered how much time had passed between our last meeting. We'd both always been wayward spirits, so not seeing each other for days or weeks was never anything different. But, it'd been nearly a decade -- almost ten long, painful years since I'd seen her beautiful face. I knew, without a doubt, that both of us had changed; but I was terrified to know how much. How long had it been since she'd last thought of me? Had she thought of me at all? These, along with a myriad of other questions, swarmed me as I continued to gaze at her.

I followed her with my vision as began circling around me, until she vanished around my shoulder and into my blind spot. As much as I wanted to turn, just so that I could continue looking at her, I didn't. I remained perfectly still, almost as if I were a statue, until I felt the soft ball of her nose against my spine. Then came her arms around my torso, and for a moment, I allowed myself to bask in the dream -- the dream that she and I could, perhaps, become what we once were. She was the origins of everything; my pain, my love, my desire. I'd done so much since she'd left me, yet none of it seemed to matter as her milky skin shaped itself against mine.

I rose a single hand to rest on top of her own, yet before I could reach her, she had already retreated from me. It seemed that my hopes would remain that, and the dream would never be anything more than that, as well. What she said next, though -- nothing in the world could have prepared me for it.

Even as she proclaimed so powerful news, I didn't turn to face her. Is that why? I was immediately submerged into a sea of memories, trying my hardest to piece together the fragments of my past; I could remember the last day I saw her. She said that she'd had something to tell me, but fell silent when I informed her of my unfortunate encounter with the Mizukage. She never did tell me what she had to say, and in hindsight, it's relatively easy to see why. What kind of lifestyle would that have been for a child? Wandering from city to city as nothing more than wanted criminals? But, who was I to assume? Perhaps there was something else?

"Is that why you left?" I asked hesitantly, obviously afraid of the truth. Turning, just enough so that I could see her, my expression was grim. "Because you didn't think I could be. . . a good father, Kaoruko?" Even though I'd managed to form the words, my heart was racing; I honestly didn't want to know the answer. But, at the same time, I needed to. Honestly? I've never felt more exposed, in my entire life, then I did in that moment.

[kaoruko ♥]

[style=width: 400px; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify]When he turned his head to view me, his expression cut me deeper than any blade could have. I visibly flinched and bit my bottom lip in retaliation, although I made sure to keep the intensity in my eyes so that he could not mistake my reaction as an attempted lie. No, I never lied. Not to him. "Nami, I left because I had to," I whispered, the pleading in my voice drowned out to me by the ever increasing frequency of my heart beats. "I know you would have a been a good father, and I made sure that our son knows that, too. He's never met you a day in his life but he likes you better than me."

I smiled. My entire body felt stiff from how tense this situation made me, and when I noticed it I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath. The air was crisp with pine from the trees; for a moment, I was washed into an ocean of sensory memories — the taste of blueberries on his lips from the joint, the haze of smoke, sweat, and alcohol. The last day I ever saw him we started our conversation in a brothel, the same day I built up the nerve to tell him about the child. I knew it would change our lives and our relationship forever the moment I let him know, and once he told me about the scuffle with the Mizukage, well ... I remembered just what kind of person Kushinada Namitsuki was.

"I knew that you would want to take care of me and our child to the best of your ability. I also knew you would never be fully content with that lifestyle — you deserved so much more than that. I wanted you to fulfill all your dreams, become the best shinobi you could be ... not a young father."

A potentially imagined wave of physical pain wracked my body and I opened my eyes, blinking slowly to hold back my emotions. To this day I could still feel the intensity of our closeness, the ease with which we could fall into one another. More than that, I still clung to the belief that I made the right decision and that I made Namitsuki's easier than it would have been if I had stayed with him. I was never very far away, really. After I heard about his taking up of the mantel of Mizukage (ironic as that is), I moved within an acceptable distance. I watched his accomplishments from a far, admiring the man I used to love. The man I still love. The man I can never have.

"I heard about you becoming the leader of a village," I mentioned conversationally, trying to change the subject. If I tried to explain my intentions any further I might cry, and I had never been the type of girl to cry. No. I was far more likely to take out my anger on the nearest living creature than express my conflict in such an average, boring way. "I never told him about that. I should have. He would be ... so proud of you. I am."[/style]

[Nujabes]

Who was she to make that decision on her own? I'd be uncontent with my life from the moment she'd left me; left me alone in this wretched world. For so long -- so very, very long -- she was all that I'd had. Even now, nearly a decade later, she was never far from the thoughts of my mind. No matter what I was doing, or who I was with, she was always the there, haunting me. I'd been stranded without the faintest semblance of closure, left to wonder what went wrong, why it happened, or if it would ever be fixed. Who was she to take that future away from me? Who was she to claim to know me so well? How could she hurt me like that? How could she do that to our family -- or, at least, what would have been our family?

Akira, calm down. . .

. . . I am calm.

If you were calm, my friend, I wouldn't be having this conversation with you. Remember who she is.

Even the beast locked within my stomach, sealed with my soul, knew who this woman was. I can't remember how many times I must have sat in my own mind, telling him about her.

My fingers clenched into fists, and my jaw tightened as my teeth gritted against one another behind a pained expression. I wanted to scream at her for robbing me of that; yell at her for leaving me alone for all these years, when all I ever wanted was her. I would trade the titles - the power - the trophies and relics if I could only go back in time and spend one more day with her at my side, as my woman; as my lover. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and she knew that - no, she knows that. Even with nothing more than a few feet separating us, it took everything that I was no to simply crumble into her arms. But, even I can only withstand all of that for so long.

Without so much as a word, I erased the meager handful of steps that separated us and took her into my arms. I was tired of playing this game -- a game that I'd lost so very many years ago. She left a void in my chest, one that no amount of power or love could fill, and it hurt; it hurt simply to know that it was there. But touching her? Touching her made me feel better -- made me feel more of a human, and less of a walking corpse. I held her tightly against my chest, firmly, not bothering to hold anything back. I didn't know how much time I would have with her, but I didn't intend on letting it slip through my fingers. Not like last time.

"I know that we have changed," I said in a soft, deep voice. I was so angry, yet no matter how much I wanted to scream-- it simply wouldn't come out. "And I know that you won't let us be together, Kaoruko." It pained me to say the words, more so because I knew it was true. If they weren't, she wouldn't have waited so terribly long to come to me; to reveal this to me. She had no intention on us ever being what we were, and as much as it destroyed me to admit it, I would not fight her on it. "But, even if you are no longer my lover-- I need you in my life. . . Even if it is only as a friend."

I released a single arm from coiling about her body, just so that I could take the soft curve of her face into my large hand. Tilting her head back so that I could look her in the eyes, I smiled weakly, and pressed my forehead against hers as we had done so many nights, for so many years. It'd almost become a ritual more sacred than a kiss, to us. "I love you, Kaoruko, more than I have ever loved another being, and more than I ever will be able to love someone again." Pulling away, I let her go and walked to my jacket, plucking it off the ground.

"Now, lets go find our son."

[kaoruko ♥]

[style=width: 400px; font-family: times new roman; text-align: justify]For a moment, I felt his anger like a physical presence; it brought forth a copper taste in the back of my throat, but I could not tell if this was fear or regret. How could it be fear? Even as his expression changed to something akin to when one is stabbed in the back with a blunt knife, I knew Namitsuki would never hurt me. The closest he had come to that was the day he engraved the Hiraishin seal below my naval, an event that was burned into my memory just as it was burned into my flesh. I could have removed it after all these years of medic training, but it was too precious to me and secretly I had hoped he would use it to find me. Now, in defense of his pain and anger, I lifted my hand to press against the place where my clothing covered it.

Suddenly, he was upon me; his arms were around me, warm and familiar and wonderful. For a moment I tensed, knowing that this could easily break my resolve, but ended up sighing loudly and relaxing into the heat of his body. He was still angry, that was evident in the low growl of his voice as he spoke, akin to the way one talked when they were holding back the smoke they had just inhaled. I closed my eyes. "I ... I had no intentions of leaving your life again," I whispered back, almost hoping he would not hear this response. Could we ever live as 'just friends'? It seemed like torture, purgatory upon earth itself. As I grew older, alone, he would eventually find someone else with which to leave his shattered heart — someone who could mend it, a feat even my medical prowess could not accomplish. The idea of seeing him with a new lover left my chest feeling hallow. Where was the girl that didn't ever feel jealous? I suppose I had given her up, too.

He forced my head back to look at him, so I opened my eyes and stared into his. Even if my face could mask the intensity of my emotions, those green orbs could never do so. "I love you too, Namitsuki," I rasped, narrowing my eyes a fraction to hold back the whirlwind of emotions flooding through me. "All I want is for you to be happy. If you are, then I ultimately will be, too." My mantra.

When he pulled away I felt my body shudder with the loss, but recomposed myself before he had even picked his jacket up from the ground. Yes, our son. The real reason for my being here. "Our son. Like I said, I named him after you — Kushinada Namitsuki. As you can expect, given that he's our offspring, he likes to roam. I've had a problem keeping him within a respectable distance since he was twelve. At fourteen, I gave up, but I keep tabs on his location ..." I frowned and decided not to clue him in to how I had done this; instead, I looked up at the sky. "I lost him along the border to Hi no Kuni."[/style]

[Nujabes]

He's definitely our son, I thought to myself as she mentioned his habit of wandering about. Honestly, I'd always found it odd that Kaoruko and I had managed to stay dedicated to a single Hidden Village. Our spirits were as wayward as the breeze, and quite often -- even as Genin, without the permission of our superiors -- we would wander beyond the village's walls, off into the great distances beyond. How many countless nights had we spent, alone beneath the night sky with nothing more than our love and bodies to warm each other?

Letting those fond memories drift away as I slid my arms into the sleeves of my jacket, I fastened it up fully. Extending my hand toward Kaoruko, I smiled. "Even without Hiraishin, I'm pretty sure that I'm a lot faster than you are." Despite so much time having passed between us, surely she hadn't forgotten our most optimal form of transportation.

Waiting for her, once she'd taken my hand and climb on my back (piggy-back style), we'd be gone.