Spidey Sensor [Selfish]

[Nickito]

Be gentle ;~; I'll change things ASAP if anything needs to be. First custom so fingers crossed haha I really want to be able to make this work.

Kikenchitai (Danger Zone)
Rank: B
Range: Close (0m ~ 5m), Mid (5m ~ 10m)
Type: Supplementary
Handseals: 2 to activate; 1 to deactivate
Chakra Consumption: Low Activation; Low Upkeep

Having been on the run with her parents for many years, it was necessary for Kasumi to continuously use her Sensory abilities to maintain a large distance between her fami her parents' enemies. Due to this constant use, Kasumi became a very adept Sensor at a young age, and was able to develop an ability to more efficiently keep herself out of harm's way. As she came to hone it and understand it fully, she started to call it her Danger Zone, or Kikenchitai. Through this technique, Kasumi is able to detect various "threats" that comes within 10 meters of her person before they actually reach her. In a way, it is an early warning system created partly due to her constant sensing, partly due to her tendency to feel paranoid, and partly due to her need to feel safe.

Note: Selfish Sensor Technique for Kasumi Sansei. This technique alerts Kasumi to the presence of Chakra Surges and abnormally large Chakra Signatures within 10 meters of her person without going into full Kagura Shingan and losing her sight. This makes it possible for her to detect powerful enemies and incoming attacks. This technique is unable to detect what type of attack is being made (IE whether it is a Ninja Art, Elemental Ninjutsu, Taijutsu and so forth), only that one is coming. Furthermore, it does not have the full capabilities of the Kagura Shingan (discerning a person's Elemental Natures, detection of Genjutsu, suppression of one's Chakra).

[Exar Kun]

Well first off, welcome to the world of customs. It's always nice to see some new creative blood in the mix.

So, to get you started off here, in its current state this custom won't exactly fly. The two issues I have with is that 1. It's a passive-detection ability, and 2. I don't really understand how it works; not its function, but how it functions.

As it's written now, someone using this character basically has a kind of spider-sense that's always on at the cost of chakra, and automatically lets them know when an attacker is afoot. On NRP we actively try to avoid techniques that passively give buffs, like making someone faster, or stronger, or something that allows them to automatically detect things (the exception to these is masteries), mostly because they tend to cheapen the RP. So, right off the bat, I'd recommend ditching the passive-aspect of it, and having it require handseals. Giving it a chakra-cost to active, and a turn-by-turn drain to keep it active. Since the technique is pretty basic, it doesn't need a large cost, but just something to prevent it being active all day.

The second is issue why the technique does what it does. As it's written now, whenever someone enters this 10 meter radius, you automatically know that there is an enemy around you and they are attacking you because: chakra. Sensory thematically just allows you to sense people's chakra signatures, and hide your own. How does sensory play into being able to detect someone ambushing you? How does this work when you're surrounded by people in a crowd? How does it differentiate between friend and foe, etc.

So, work on those two points, and I'll take another look at this. As far as a first custom, it needs work, obviously, but it's not compared to some crap that I've seen. Give this a retooling.

[Nickito]

OK! I totally see what you're saying and after looking it over I kind of have to agree xD I was afraid that this might come off as cheap the way it was set up, but I was having trouble changing that so I figured if I posted it I'd get some type of feedback haha

I modified it to hopefully be better, it should be pretty straightforward. Its supposed to be that the technique would allow her to become aware of a person's Chakra when they came within range, whether its the Chakra Source or the Chakra fueling a jutsu. The friend v. foe thing would be taken care of by a sensor's ability to differentiate Chakra Signatures. As for the crowd thing, I figured that she'd just suddenly sense a lot of different Chakra Signatures/Sources.

And thanks for the help, I really appreciate it haha

EDIT: There was something that I had forgotten to add to the note so I edited it in.

[Exar Kun]

Looks much better!

Okay, well I think that in its current it's mostly acceptable. The only change I'd like to see made is in the notes section. Rather than have it noted as detecting new signatures and chakra surges, write it as capable of detecting surges of chakra (re: techniques being used), and abnormally large chakra signatures. That way, if you're walking through a crowded hallway with the technique active, at least it won't be going off everytime someone bumps into you or something, and as well it gives someone a chance to get around the technique if they RP well.

Make that change and you'll have my 1/3.

[Nickito]

Done! Thanks for all the help Was wondering if maybe I should specify what "abnormally large" is though? Or would it just be assumed that like, x1 Massive x2 High is normal and anymore is abnormal?

[Exar Kun]

I think it should be okay under the honor system. Worst case scenario, that's what we have judges for.

1/3

[addy-hime ♥]

You will need to specify what "abnormally large" means for chakra purposes. When it comes to a large pool, I would say Massive x3 or higher for a person. For an incoming attack, it would need to have a High consumption or larger.

[/justify]

[Nickito]

I think I'm just gonna scrap this. Only detecting High+ Jutsu kind of defeats the purpose of the tech, and I know that abnormally large means, well, not normal, but there aren't many people on here with x3 Massive that I can think of, so that also kind of defeats the purpose and sort of makes it not worth it in the end, what with the other restrictions I put on it. Thank you both for taking the time to look at it though, and thanks for helping me out with it Exar