Suna Daishuriken

[Shinryu]

SPOILER: Click to show

Suna Shuriken (Sand Shuriken)
Rank: C
Type: Offensive / Saton Kekkai Touta
Range: See special!
Handseals: Yes
Chakra: Mid
Special: Range and speed of shuriken depends on the user's 'Saton Ryuuken' rank. Shuriken can only travel in a straight line, but carry an attack power equal to one rank less than their current 'SR'. Up to one shuriken can launched, plus one more each time retrained; however, after every fourth retraining, chakra consumption will go up by one. With multiple shuriken, the user has the choice of firing them off either simultaneously, or one after another.
Description: The Sand Shuriken is a ninjutsu technique that allows the user to utilize their sand powers in order to create deadly projectiles. Using their chakra to control nearby sand, the user will hurl disks of sand at their opponent, a bit larger than conventional shuriken. Spinning through the air at high speeds, these disks are deadly in strength, inflicting large amounts of damage to the target and surrounding objects.
Domain: Saton. Saton Ryuuken 'C'.

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Suna Daishuriken (Greater Sand Shuriken)
Rank: A
Type: Offensive/Saton Kekkei Touta
Range:See Special!
Handseals: Yes.
Chakra: High x2
Special: Range of shuriken depends on the user's 'Saton Ryuuken' rank. Shuriken fly swiftly, but can only travel in a straight line. They carry an attack power equal to their current 'SR'. Up to one Daishuriken can be launched, plus one more for each re-training; however, chakra cost increases by the one each time Suna Daishuriken is re-trained. With multiple shuriken, the user has the choice of firing them off either simultaneously, or one after another.
Description: Essentially an upgraded Suna Shuriken, Suna Daishuriken allows the users to create larger versions of their saton projectiles, growing as large as one meter in diameter. Given their size, the projectiles do more damage than their smaller brethren; however, because of this they require a much higher cost to produce and control. Their force however is one to be reckoned with; Due to the particulate nature of the sand they are made of, they are especially good at ripping and tearing through flesh, bone, wood, and even some types of stone.
Domain: Saton, Suna Shuriken, Saton Ryuuken 'A'.

[KEITH]

It seems fine to me.

1/3

[addy-hime ♥]

Suna Daishuriken

• A technique cannot be supplementary and offensive at the same time. Offensive techniques do damage by themselves, while supplementary techniques give boosts to a pre-existing technique. This one is just offensive.
  
  
• Remove the "and speed" from the special. We're speaking in less concrete terms now. I recommend adding a term into the description instead, such as "fly quickly" or whatever works with your sentence structure.
  
  
• You don't need to specify that the seal count is increased. We know that 'A' ranks take more seals than 'C' ranks.
  
  
• When increasing chakra consumption, they increase "by one level" and not by the base amount. Essentially, your High x2 would turn into a High x3.

[/justify]

[Shinryu]

Changes to speed, type, and handseals made. Chakra amount will remain the same, barring a vast shift in the current capabilities of the Saton release once new masteries are announced.

I think I might want to either leave this here for a day or two, or just archive it until such a point is reached, so I can decide once I see what the updates are.

[Shinryu]

Bump for modified chakra cost. Otherwise technique remains the same.

[addy-hime ♥]

I only have a minor issue with the fact that the damage comes from the dominion rank and not the actual technique. But the original technique is that way and the cost seems high enough to stabilize it. So unless anyone else has qualms..

1/3.

[/justify]

[vegapunk]

I agree. 2/3

[Gentlemanne]

3/3