Jyūshirotsume

[KEITH]

Jyūshirotsume [lit. Gentle White Claw].
Rank: A.
Type: Offensive / Specialized Taijutsu.
Range: See special.
Handseals: No.
Chakra: High [activation], Mid [upkeep].
Special: The charge time of this technique is equal to the sealing time of an A-rank technique. The "claws" of the technique are only six inches in length, and the range of the technique depends on the users Hakke Shōhen. Jyūshirotsume is specifically targeted to attack the chakra network pathway, so it cannot be used to harm the internal organs, like other Jyūken techniques. The pain that the victim will feel after the chakra network pathway is damaged will last for an entire thread. The more chakra the user uses, the greater the pain. The upkeep of chakra is to keep the creation of the chakra claws formed.
Description: Jyūshirotsume is a Taijutsu technique created by Hyūga's. One utilizes the technique by gathering chakra into their palms, pushing it out the fingertips of their hands, and molding them until they would take on the appearance of claws, though the chakra is invisible to the naked eye. With the chakra clasws, the user uses them with the same properties like any other Jyūken techniques, they only do internal damage, non-physical. The user is able to pluck or scratch the chakra network pathways of their victim, causing them to feel a great amount of pain when using chakra in whatever section of their body that was targeted. The pain that the victim would feel is only temporary, and the best way to recover the damaged area is not using any chakra for awhile.
Domain: Hyūga. Hakke Shōhen.

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[addy-hime ♥]

You just made a selfish on July 27th. You'll need to wait a month before doing it again.

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[KEITH]

Edited.

[addy-hime ♥]

[1] The description is still worded like a selfish.

[2] I don't know how I feel about the target losing their chakra-molding abilities forever. All of the Hyuuga techniques I've read just make it impossible for them to use it for the rest of the thread. I dunno. I'd like another mod's opinion on this one.

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[Gentlemanne]

Yeah, no. Permanently removing the use of somebodies chakra isn't going to fly, sorry.

[KEITH]

Re-edited.

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[addy-hime ♥]

So what does this actually do? You state that it causes them pain, but the technique does not seem to restrict use of chakra explicitly. If you want it to, you'll need to specify a time amount in the special.

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[KEITH]

Yes, the technique is to cause the victim pain in turn for using chakra, rather than stopping them from using it by blocking the tenketsu. Also, added the time-limit.

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[KEITH]

Been 4 days since this has been reviewed. I don't know if a currently ruling has been passed or customs or not, but. . .

BUMP!

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[addy-hime ♥]

[1] You said that the more the damaged target uses chakra, the more pain they feel. But in the special you have, "The more chakra the technique uses, the greater the pain." That doesn't make much sense.

[2] Is the upkeep for this technique just so you can hold the claws in shape? Regardless, you need to add a time limit for how long the claws will remain active before dispersing; if the upkeep is to hold them up, you need to state that. Consider the technique it could be misconstrued.

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[KEITH]

Done.

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[addy-hime ♥]

1/3. Thankyouu.

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[Exar Kun]

2/3

[vegapunk]

3/3