it started with a-- (p/t)

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;;day nine

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It was her ninth day on Hi no Kuni land. She was beginning to feel weary of the place altogether. Other than getting into fights and more fights, she hadn't done a single thing worth noting about this country. Aside from the abundance of trees and forestland of course. She decided that it would be best if she left soon; very soon. But there was still unfinished business here in Hi no Kuni. Originally she didn't have any business other than to read her mission logs in the forest. But during her stay in the forest one fateful morning she had come upon another girl, a girl that she had known for many years but had lost contact with.

But she had become a Konoha nin? Her family had moved to Konoha from Yuki? Why did this happen? Of course she gave her the perfect explanation and used the perfect excuse that the war had destroyed the Snow Village and thus they had no home. But that didn't mean that she could just turn right around and affiliate with another village, give up her headband and then just adopt one from another country! That was the treachery and it shouldn't be forgiven. Having gained back most of her memory, she was now very mad. Her best friend was no longer her best friend--from this day forward.

And what it made it worse was that there was the possibility that the Konoha shinobi she had encountered during her brief stay in the forest could just send word back to the Hokage of Konoha that she was hiding in the forest and then she would probably be killed in an instant with her current strength. Since she still had unfinished business and needed to stay in the country, she thought it would be best if she didn't stay in the forest anymore. She simply couldn't take that risk. She needed to stay alive, to one day bring the village back to its original thrive. Because she was a Yuki shinobi, because she was a member of the Yukina Clan. She had to.

It was daybreak of the ninth day and she made her way carefully out of the forest and towards the docks of the country. She knew that as long as she stayed with someone she trusted she could be temporarily safe. Until somebody decided to check the boats that were parked there. But she wasn't quite worried quite yet. If the people of Konoha hadn't already looked for her during the past nine days, the chance of them looking for her now was slim. Though she took every precaution in the book, just in case.

She went to the dock and saw that Ren was waiting for her. She must have had a very anxious look on her face as she approached him because he immediately asked her if everything was alright. She told her as briefly as possible what had been happening during the last few days, remembering that he had told her not to get herself into too much of a mess the last time she parted with him. It was a miracle that he was there when she needed him the most. [/justify][/blockquote]

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But she literally had no time to explain. Nor did she want to stay in Hi no Kuni. Every moment she was in the area she felt scared. As though if she turned a corner she'd suddenly be ganged up by these shinobi. She'd had that experience once before and now she was definitely frightful of the country. She vowed that she would never return to it because of this fear and knew that the Konoha shinobi were probably on the lookout for her anyhow. She had caused much havoc during her brief stay to the point where she was probably ordered to be captured. Or better yet, killed. 

No she couldn't die! Dying wasn't an option. She hadn't lived through the war, come out of it unscathed save for memory loss to have herself killed by a bunch of people that probably knew nothing about her life! No, that was out of the question! She quickly mounted the boat that Ren was sitting on and almost barked out an order for him to take her out of the country at once. She needed to leave, and it was now or never. Her voice held panic for the very first time, 

Realizing how urgent this situation actually was, he was going to ignore the fact that she ordered him and ask just do as she said. She was panicing and a nervous wreck, which was so different from the usual composed and calm self. He took the paddle into his hand abs began to row out of the docks of Hi no Kuni. He wasn't sure what she was so afraid of since it seemed that there wasn't anyone chasing after her. It was daybreak and not many people were out and about. 

A perfect time for a getaway. He paddled as fast as his arms allowed him out of the waters of Hi no Kuni. But his arms were tired from a long trip which took almost two full days to finish but was finally able to bring his customer to his destination. He was not sure if he could paddle anymore. But since she asked him to help her, he wasn't going to just sit there and say no. She was like a good friend of his by now and she was likely one of the only friends he got a chance to talk to these days. He was definitely going to help her.

Seeing that Ren seemed to be having some difficulty with the paddling, she didn't ask questions or get angry. She merely stepped up to where he was, took the paddle from his hands and told him to stand aside while she paddled. Paddling was quite hardwork especially speed paddling. Even though nobody chased after her, she was fearful. And so her speed increased rapidly as her hands worked. The power of fear and what it could do to the most insane of people--

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Her swift paddling allowed the small boat to be carried safely on the waters away from Hi no Kuni. The dock was slowly getting smaller and smaller; away from view. It was only then that she let out a deep sigh and sit back on the bench. She let Ren take over the paddling now that they were out of harm's way. Closing her eyes she had to calm herself down. There was no way she was going to be this unnerved again, not in front of anyone else. She wasn't out to kill Ren, but she was very cautious of him. 

"I found out my real name--" she began as she attempted to break the silence. Ren looked at her from where he was standing, still paddling. She nodded her head as though to reassure him that she spoke the truth. "I saw in my dream--somebody called me by my real name. It's Yukina Sayuri." For the first time she told someone of her real name. It felt proud for her to call herself a Yukina, finally acknowledging the fact that she was part of the clan. It seemed like she had waited so long for the day to be able to tell people what her name was. Her real name that is. "So you remember everything, lass?" She shook her head. There were still unanswered questions that she quested for, hoping to find answers of.

It was only now that she was away from the big ominious country of Hi no Kuni that she began to think back of the entire stay. And something struck her as troublesome. She had holed herself in the forest of Konoha and people just came up and about either asking for a spar, picking a fight or pissing her off so much she had to fight them. There were not that many people she met that dwarves an inch more respect than she gave them. They all treated her like an outsider, not once willing to hear her out of her circumstances. All they cared about was the fact that she didn't have the same shinobi headband with her than they did. Especially Tomomi.

Just because she was a shinobi from a lesser village; a village that was destroyed because of some stupid war! She hated every single one of the people that she'd met in those nine days and had come up with a heavily biased opinion that she hated both Hi no Kuni and Konohagurke no Sato. She was furious at them; those who thought that they were more superior than her. She was going to teach them a lesson one day that they would never ever forget, She wasn't sure if one day she would want to annihilate Konoha but certainly do justice upon herself for those who crossed her path the wrong way. She hated not being strong.

That was now her goal--to be stronger than everyone; to be the strongest Yukina Clan member alive. She was still young and had many more years to go before she was old and could no longer train. Because she was so young she should take advantage of what she had now and get to the strongest rank she possibly could. She had had so much success from the start that now she was just getting closer and closer. She would have to be patient and strong willed so that she could fight every last barrier which was out to stop her from realizing her dreams.

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As they contours to drift their way on the waters, she was deep in thought. Ren noticed it too and so didn't offer much as conversation. Whatever that had happened back there in Hi no Kuni had struck her in many ways unimaginable. The only question was whether she could recover from it. She was already a bit emotionally unstable as it was. Was there a possibility that she would just go full out insane? If that was the case, he feared she would get herself into worse situations. Paddling the boat in silence, he made no move to dig deeper. If she wanted to say anything she would.

And it was simply that she had nothing to say. It was worse that she felt nothing but anger and resentment towards Konoha and it's shinobi. She shouldn't, naturally because she wasn't a Konoha shinobi and had trespassed onto their land. But that was beside the point. Ever since a part of her memory came back, she was more than certain that she wanted to do something about the fallen Yuki no Kuni. Even if it cost her life, she was going to bring back her village. There was no doubt about it. It hurt that she couldn't have been there or supposed that she wasn't, to help her village when the war took place.

"Where are we going now?" she asked quietly. It had been the first time she said anything since boarding the boat. It had suddenly occured to her that she was drifting on the boat with no real place in mind. Her only desire had been to escape out of Hi no Kuni. Did she want to continue her journey still to the five great shinobi nations or did she want to head home? Even though she loved her home, she wasn't going back just yet. There were still unanswered questions which needed answers. She couldn't find them on Hi no Kuni so she was going to take the time to find them elsewhere. But she didn't have a world map, at least not yet and wasn't sure where the other countries were.

Ren was able to answer that though. He told her there were four other great shinobi nations which housed four different hidden villages. He ticked off the list and told her that she could just pick one to go to. After thinking for a moment, she definitely ruled out Kaze no Kuni because of distance and instead turned her attention to either Kaminari no Kuni or Tsuchi no Kuni. She was somewhat fearful of these lands in case they were like Hi no Kuni. But he reassured her that as long as she didn't get herself into messes, all would be well.

So she took his word for it and thought about it. None of them aroused any particular interest and she didn't know too much about them to really make a choice. She told Ren to make the choice for her, just so she didn't have to think. He agreed and told her what when she got there, she would know which country he chose. So now he was being mysterious too? Though she didn't mind so much so long as she was safe from harm's way.

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"It'll take a couple of days at least to get there, lass. Ya got stuff to do to kill time?" A couple of days wasn't too bad. She had expected it worse but she guessed that knowing Ren's paddling speed it was just about right. And besides, two days wasn't so bad in the sense that she still had not finished reading her mission logs. In fact she'd only read one out of the six or seven that were in the log. She certainly hoped that by the end of this trip, she would be able to finish the logs. "Don't worry about me. I have plenty of things to do." she responded as the boat sailed through the ocean. The sun was just starting to peek through the horizon. 

The sunrise was so pretty, especially out on the ocean. The orange, pink and yellow, mixed with the dark blue of the ocean waters was artistically beautiful. She had a secret liking for drawing and told herself that the next time she was on the boat again, she would draw out either the sunrise or sunset. She relaxed her body a bit now that she was safely away. She realized how tense she had been the past couple of days. Even though this was supposed to be an adventure, she didn't feel as though she had much of one. Hopefully this new country would be different. 

She wasn't too inclined on making any guesses about her next stop. Instead she was more inclined to enjoy the voyage of getting there. Ever since being on the boat for the first time, she had fallen in love with boat travel. She secretly she wanted to travel all parts of the world at some point in life. Maybe after she retired from being a shinobi. And that seemed like a very long time. She started to think whether losing her memory was a good thing after all. Through trying to search for her past, she was able to go on this journey and see a little bit of the world. To realize her dream a little earlier than retirement. 

She then pondered about what life would have been like if she hadn't lost her memory. The fall of Yuki no Kuni would have taken her home too. Without immediate relatives she would be all alone, trying to defend herself against all evil. Would she have chosen to give up on life? That wasn't possible since she loved the thrill. She would have been fifteen or sixteen at the time and forced to face challenges and places she'd not yet experienced in her lifetime. She would most likely not be able to withstand the pressure of it sooner or later. She was just a teenager, nothing special. 

And that was when she thought of Tomomi. If she had been in her shoes, she too would probably have given up her Yuki headband for Konoha. It was a security thing. Having seen first hand what it felt like to be an outsider, she began to open her mind to the possibility that going to another country and pledging allegiance was a way for her to be out of harm's way, at least with one village. So that idea wasn't too bad though it was still surprising that her friend wasn't wearing her Yuki headband.

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She was still pondering about the topic as Ren started to steer the boat in the left direction. Not having a world map meant that she had no way of knowing where the boat was heading. But having traveled with Ren for a few days already has mace her quite trusting to his skills and experience. He definitely knew the waters well. He was expecting her to feel a little loss and so ge decided that jt would be best to update her client. "We're just headin' out of the Hi no Kuni districts now. We're officially safe." that relieved her a bit.

She smiled and sat back, feeling the gentle rocking of the boat. She was fairly happy with the speed at which they were traveling. Because they were now in the middle of the ocean, she was allowed to breathe easier. The fact that she had gotten herself into the messes with those Konoha nin was certainly not something smart that she did. Especially with that she/he Hyuuga. She had lashed out before she could control her insanity and had then gotten herself into an almost life threatening situation. It meant that before she had the strength of preferrably a Chuunin level shinobi, 

She closed her eyes and just sat there, almost in the meditation stance. The boat was very good for meditation because the gentle rocking and the water rppling sounds gave her some kind of peace. She hadn't felt so relaxed for a total of eight days, living in constant fear that somebody would come up behind her and slit her throat. She should have realized the grave dangers of being a wandering shinobi. But she had in some ways kind of expected it too. It was definitely better than being a shinobi without a village. So now, there was a delemma in her hands; a choice that she would have to make eventually. She was going to have to make a decision soon  

Ren also saw through the anxiety in the look on her face. He didn't question her about it but instead let her think. He knew that she needed peace and quiet. Once he became tired of paddling, he would take a seat opposite her and munch on his breakfast. He offered her some food too to which she declined. But he pressured her simply because she was looking unhealthy and too skinny. "Problems won't go away without eatin', lass" He pushed a plate of cold eggs and sausages that he had packed this morning and told her to eat. She finally complied and ate a little. He smiled as she ate. Although cold, the food was delicious and she realized upon taking the first bite that she was actually hungry.

The afternoon was drawing near and Ren let the boat drift on it's own in the ocean. They were on schedule anyway and didn't need to hasten for any reason. He also imagined that she needed a bit of rest after all the excitement from her days in Hi no Kuni. He asked her if she wanted to rest but she told him she wanted to read a bit of her mission logs first. She has been meaning to read the logs for a few days now. 

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She took out the mission log book from inside her cape and flipped through the pages. She had only managed to read about the first mission, which was snow shoveling. She would take the two days time that she had now had to hopefully read the rest. If she couldn't get the rest done, there was still some time in the future. For now she needed something to take her mind off of the events of the past few days. Anything would do. She was about to flip through the pages when Ren stopped her. Looking at him curiously, she then realized that she hadn't told him about the logs. He had gone with her back to the little town just to get it.

"Apparently it's not a diary. It's a mission log." Another blank stare. Right, he wasn't a shinobi. She had forgotten. She explained to him that as a shinobi, it was like she had a job to do. And one of her job descriptions was to go on missions for her village so that she could earn some extra money and also help out the villagers if they needed it. It was actually pretty cool to be a shinobi since she was able to do what she loved doing and get paid for it. Ren joked that he wish he had thought about being a shinobi when he started out. He had come from a non-shinobi village and just couldn't be one. He agreed that it did sound like fun.

"Did ya get some of your memory back from that thing?" he asked, pointing at the mission log. It was hard to explain. She had received some kind of memory boost by reading about her first mission, like telling her that she was actually from Yukigakure no Sato. But other than that, there was nothing concrete about it that allowed her the opportunity to know who she was before she came down with amnesia. She decided to shake her head. "I didn't get very much from it, no. But I did get it from my dreams.' It sounded odd to talk about dreams since she imagined that not many people had dreams to help them recover lost memory.

But apparently Ren was fine with that. He nodded his head. But before she could go to reading the second mission log, it seemed like he wanted to talk a little more. It was true, they didn't know that much about each other. The only thing that he knew about her was now her real name since the first time she had boarded his boat, her mind had been a clean slate. And now all she knew about him was that he came from the rice fields and that he was born destined to be unable to be a shinobi. Since she guessed that they would be seeing a lot of each other over the course of the months, they might as well get to know each other a little better. She wasn't really good with introductions and decided that it was best if she just told him some basic information.

"As you know, my name is Sayuri; Yukina Sayuri. I'm 17 and I guess I was a Yukigakure no Sato shinobi." He nodded his head again. There wasn't much else to tell him really since there wasn't much about her that was interesting. He began to tell her some of his trips across the ocean. She was amazed to find out that he had actually been on the waters so many times in a year that he might as well have lived on the boat. But he had a wife and two small children. At the mention of family, she tensed a bit. she was never much of a family person but seeing people so happy to be married and whatnot made her think whether it was that important for her to marry.

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Ren noticed the look of sadness cross her face when he said that he had a lovely family of four. He wondered if he had said something wrong. She looked like she was about to cry. That wasn't good, He hated to make girls cry. Desperately trying to find something to say, he ended up asking her what was wrong. If he had really wanted her to not cry he wouldn't have gone and asked that question. But he could hardly take it back now as he stared out at the ocean to his right, giving her a moment to regain composure and also to give himself something to do. Since he wasn't paddling that often during this trip, he needed something to kill time. He whistled a little as he looked out onto the horizon.

She was losing composing, losing her cool. That was never a good sign. She had kept it with such control for such a long time that now she no longer had what it took to control it anymore. It kind of felt like the moments when she wanted to control her insane side too. She was losing her touch and worst yet, she was losing it in front of another person. She wouldn't have minded so much if she was the only one here on this boat to see her close to tears over some silly thing but there was a grown man in the boat with her and she was going to cry like a child. No, she had to stop herself before the reputation that she had established of herself would all but disappear. It was that important to her.

She looked away to her left and tried to null her tears. It was hard for a woman to force herself to stop crying especially when all she wanted to do at that particular moment was to cry. She cleared her throat and attempted to regain composure. What was she crying about anyhow? She hadn't really gained her full memory back yet and what little she now had of her past was not enough for her to suddenly want to break down into tears. She knew her own emotions very well, well to the point where she understood her own feelings and emotions quite well. Technically if she didn't nobody else would. So the question remained; why was she suddenly so upset?

At the mention of Ren's family and how happy he was with such a loving family, she had wanted to cry. So it meant that either the thought of family or the thought of happiness brought about these tears. Maybe it was both. but whichever it was, it affected her stronger than she thought. So whatever was still lodged in the blank part of her mind, whatever memory was still there waiting to be found. It intrigued and surprised her, two emotions she hadn't felt in conjunction with one another for a long time. There must be something that had happened when she was still in Yuki no Kuni--something.

But she snapped out of her current daydream. She noticed that an awkward silence had now fallen on the two of them. She cleared her throat again and turned her head back to facing forward. She knew that even if she dwelled on said topic any longer, nothing would come out it. She would wait until all of the tears she wanted to spill were controlled before speaking again, first apologizing to Ren for her sudden silence and also to congratulate him on being not just a husband but a father too. She expressed her wish to one day settle down and be married too but joked that not many men would actually want her because she was not just a little insane. The mood lightened again as the boat sailed forward--or so it seemed.

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Flashback

Yuki no Kuni had suffered another blizzard attack again. The Gods or whoever was watching over the lands of Yuki had deemed it necessary that another snowfall befall on the village and the country the night before. Sometimes she wondered if it was only because the land was called Yuki no Kuni that it automatically meant that the place was going to have inches of snowfall every other day. Though she had nothing against snow, she was beginning to feel weary of it. The snow, as beautiful as it looked with the innocent whiteness had lost its sense of special in her heart. Which, was all but good. She had marveled at how pretty the place looked when she had first seen a blizzard. But that had been years ago.

Now as she stared out the window of the Yukina Clan mansion, her heart felt unusually empty. It was a disheartening feeling that she never quite experienced before. She had been sad before, on numerous occasions but never feeling sad, lonely, depressed and a little angry all at once. What was wrong with her today? She sighed as she looked at the falling snow that was accumulating gracefully on the ground; making a pretty land of whiteness in front of her eyes. Usually such prettiness would be admired and she would be at least a little excited. After all she liked feeling the cold snow against her fingers.

But today seemed rather different. She turned from the window and sat rather lazily on one of the sofas of the living room area of the mansion, which was close by the door. She had woke up that morning feeling emotionally and even physically drained without having done anything exciting or exerting the day before. She looked around the room, admiring the crackling flames of the fireplace that had been lighted by the servants because of the sudden coldness of the mansion. Sudden blizzards brought very unstable temperatures and it was always nice to keep the mansion nice and cozy. She took her mug that was on the tabletop in front of her and took a sip from it.

Hot chocolate, she mused. She loved hot chocolate on a cold day. The sweet coco taste in her mouth and then the warmth of the liquid as it rested in her stomach. Hot chocolate was her favorite drink ever, followed closely by lemon honey tea. She put down the mug back on the table and just sat there, staring into space. It agitated her that she didn't know what was wrong with her. Why wasn't she feeling her usual upbeat self? It was a time that she hadn't gone insane and so she was actually a very normal girl. Fifteen years old and full of youth. So then, why was this youth not shining through.

She guessed that what troubled her was the fact that she always had answers when it came to her feelings. If she had to hide to other people about how she felt, she certainly didn't have to hide it from herself. She always had the principal that if she wished to lie to other people so as not to worry them or whatnot she was allowed to but to herself she always spoke the truth. But right then and there, there was no indication as to where the truth was or what it was. She just felt like sitting there, rigid and like a statue. She didn't feel ill but there was a sickening feeling in her heart. Why--?

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Flashback

As she was still busy searching for the causes of the emptiness in her heart, she would find that her older brother was walking into the room. He was Yukina Satoshi, one of the best Chuunin ranked shinobi in all of Yukigakure. Like Sayuri, he had silver white hair that carried a light blue tint. He was a few inches taller than her, much more muscular than the skimpy looking Sayuri. He was carrying his own cup of must-have morning coffee when he entered the room. "Mornin" She returned the greeting and fell back into silence while he took a seat on the sofa perpendicular to her. For a few seconds neither of them spoke. And that was what aroused the interest of her brother. Apparently when she didn't talk like all the time, it was automatically an amazing feat that made people raise eyebrows.

"You okay, kiddo?" he asked after taking a sip of his coffee. She just nodded and it was then that he began to worry. Usually when he called her kiddo he would at least get a glare out of her. It just seemed like she ignored what he said. She'd never been this way before. He put down his mug and looked more closely at his sister. "You sure you're okay, kiddo?" Another nod. Realizing that she was probably just going to nod her way to every question he had for her. So he just watched the snowfall from where he was sitting and the silence again came around. 

She would be the first to break the silence. She sighed again and glanced at her brother. After thinking long and hard and still coming up with nothing, she decided it may be best to ask him since he usually knew everything. She could always count on her brother to help her out whenever she needed him. Her parents died long ago and the only immediate family she had left was him. "Nii-sama, what day is it today?" She thought she'd find out at least something if she knew what day it was. She was always forgetful about these little things. He replied that it was Valentine's Day. Valentine's--Valentine's--so that's why she felt so empty! Noticing how she stopped talking again, he wondered what was running through her mind. Could she still be thinking about that good-for-nothing guy?! 

"Whats wrong, Sayuri?" He almost never used her first name when it was just the two of them talking. The fact that he was just indicated his concern. She looked at her brother and for a moment she just sat there shaking her head. Her mind was still trying to grasp all the scattered thoughts that were entering and exiting. There was nothing concrete to grasp at. She took another sip of her hot chocolate and closed her eyes, trying her best to focus. Her heart ached, her body numb, her mind all of a sudden blank. She opened her eyes again a few seconds later. Unable to contain the dire need to cry, tears began to form in her eyes. She fought to keep them down, fought as hard as she could. It wasn't that easy at all.

He hated seeing her like this. To him, she was always a strong kid especially for a girl. She wouldn't cry even if the sky came crashing down on her that very minute. In the most brutal of training or sparring where she felt beyond hopeless, she would just keep fighting without ever thinking of crying. Tears were a sign of weakness for his sister but now because of some guy she was willing to be weak? He saw how hard it was to fight back the overwhelming tears. And for her to want to cry so badly was just another sign that said how hurt she felt inside. And he could do nothing for her! Nothing he said would comfort her he knew.

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Flashback

"Kiddo, come here--" His voice was so gentle and nice that it felt weird. It was like she wasn't talking to her brother anymore. Like he was a stranger. But her heart weakened and she complied, standing up as he said this. She half ran half walked the extremely short distance to where her brother was sitting and hugged him. As the brother and sister embraced, the overwhelming tears cascaded down her face. Her body began to shake as she wept silent tears, wetting her brother's shirt. The two of them would stay in the embrace for a few seconds, until she broke free first, drying her face of tear marks and of tears in general. Crying always helped, it seemed. But she told herself she'd never lose composure like that again, not even in front of her own brother.

Hearing and seeing her cry was heartbreaking for him. It was heartbreaking not only because she rarely cried like that but because all he could do was hug her and pay her gently on the back. That was the only source of comfort that she could get from him. He wasn't all that much of a person who knew how to provide comfort. And definitely not to his sister. He was supposed to be that cool guy that stayed away from all the icky emotions and just focused on getting stronger. But he was also secretly very caring to Sayuri, in his own little way. Things he did didn't have to be recognized. As long as she was safe.

Having calmed down some, she plopped down on the seat next to her brother and sat with her head resting gently on his shoulder. They hadn't been so close to one another in a long time. He was always away on missions or something. The probability of them even being able to speak for more than five minutes a day were slim. So she especially enjoyed the moments when he was at home, like today. She secretly wondered why he wasn't out buying flowers or something for his girlfriend. It was Valentine's Day after all. But there was a whole afternoon for that. Now was her time with her Nii-sama.

"So, wanna tell me what's going on?" He never asked her about her private life. He valued the fact that everyone had privacy that everyone else just needed to respect. But when it got someone as worked up about it as it was her, as a brother, he had an obligation to find out. The two sat in another silence, neither of them speaking and letting the question hang. In her mind she really wasn't sure. She had forgotten much of the pain she felt when the one person she love romantically had left her. She had made sure of that by focusing twice as much on her Genin duties. But who was she kidding? She had been hurt pretty badly and such hurt didn't just miraculously disappear overnight. She knew that it would take much longer for it to heal.

"I'm not sure, nii-sama--" she was secretly hoping he'd let the subject just drop from there. She was not about to go through in her mind all that had happened that one night. It was all too painful and too much was forced into her head that she didn't even know what was happening until the guy had turned around and left. A lot of the events whizzed through her mind and didn't really sink in until when she was in the comforts of her own room hours later. No, she was definitely not going to go there. Not now, not ever,

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[DAVID BOWE]

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Flashback

But there was no hiding from her brother seeing as he could see through her lies relatively quickly and easily. He didn't want to pressure her though which was the only reason he hadn't said the guy's name. Her answer of 'i'm not sure' was convincing in terms of validity but he had a hunch that there was much more behind the statement than she was bringing up. It wasn't that he didn't see the hurt she had experienced that night she came home with snow covering all over her and her fingers so cold that they turned red. But because he was that respectful type of person he didn't pressure her to talk to him back then, thinking that if she needed him or needed a person to talk to, she would certainly find him. Their sibling relationship was close but also distant enough to be considered just normal friends since it seemed easier for people to open up to friends than family.

"Break it down piece by piece, slowly." he advised. He was definitely the go-to person for advice. Even though he wasn't the soundest to follow through with his own advice, he was always able to give them out. He also knew his sister very well in that aspect. She often said that she didn't know or wasn't certain because she couldn't put her thoughts into words. He'd seen enough and heard enough to know that it was true. Her large eyes stared straight into his as she gave him a look that said something along the lines of 'i can't.' he returned the glance with a gaze of certainty that told her that she could. The thing about siblings was that they were able to often communicate without actually vocally saying anything.

She nodded her head and began to think of a way to say what was on her mind. As the silence lengthened, Satoshi would give a small sigh. "Sayuri, I don't need it to sound nice. Just say what's on your mind. All of it!" it wasn't a command but it was said in such a manner that told her that he meant business. He didn't normally phrase his sentences in this kind of tone. But again he knew her well, well enough to know that half the time she couldn't bring herself to say something it was because she couldn't find a beautiful way of saying it. The hell with beautiful! He only wanted to know regardless if she swore at him fifty times in a sentence. Again she nodded her head and her brother waited. He was determines to get something out of her.

"It hurts, nii-sama--it hurts so much--" Her voice trailed off as she fought back another stream of tears. But he wasn't satisfied with that answer. He knew she could do better than that. So he retorted with a rather cold question of his own. "What does?" He wasn't supposed to know anything about what had happened and therefore continued to play his part. She looked at him again and he mustered an innocent look. He was certain that she could say more than it hurt. If she didn't say everything now she would continue to hurt regardless of how much she pretended it didn't. "Sayuri, I know it hurts--but you've got to do better than that!" 

"I'm begging you, kiddo. If you don't tell me everything, I can't help you. It hurts me to see you cry. Anata wa watashi no imouto desu." He was almost imploring that she open up to him. She raised her head from his shoulder and sat a little more upright, clearing her throat. Her brother was right--she couldn't keep avoiding the subject as though avoiding was going to do her any good. If it did, it would have already helped and she wouldn't have feelings of hurt and other emotions. She was so used to taking the brunt of everything that she didn't need to talk to anymore. But there were just some moments that being alone hurt more than with others when facing problems. Especially relationship problems.

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[❥;; bexx]

Flashback

A tear fell from eyes and landed gingerly on her knee as she lowered her head. Her eyes were cast downward. She was still thinking of a good way to say what she had to. Even if she was facing only her brother as opposed to an outsider, she was still slightly uncomfortable with being blunt. She just couldn't phrase it right and was afraid to say something that didn't at least sound half right in her head. She shifted her eyes from left to right, examining the tiles of the living room. Her best form of expressing her emotions was to cry but she wouldn't allow herself to cry to anyone. Her brother was obviously the sole exception to that. She was still trying to gather her thoughts together when her brother interjected. His voice was almost authoritative now. 

"I don't care if it doesn't make sense in your head, Sayuri. Just say it. I'll be the judge of that the moment you just tell me what's got you so upset!" And he was serious too. She was taking too long to just think about what to say that sooner or later she would get to the point where she no longer knew had wanted to say in the first place. That was the concern that always existed with his sister. He literally had to pry her mouth open every time he only wanted to know what was wrong. He decided that if he wasn't going to help her, they would be here all day. And so, he was going to give her a little post. "It's about Kai isn't it?" At the mention of the name, it seemed to have triggered a nerve.

She wasn't someone to cry at every little thing. She was the total opposite of that. But her eyes were filled with tears that threatened to escape when she heard his name. Takano Kai. He was a Genin of Yukigakure. They had gone to the academy together, graduated the same year but was assigned to different teams after graduation. Him being a ninjutsu specialist like her, the teams were evenly distributed with specialties of Genins and so they were forced to go on seperate paths. But aside from the daily activities, they spent most of their nights together, eating dinner, chatting and just hanging out. It was already a public secret of their relationship and nobody seemed to have an issue. Until Kai himself started to see an issue and called her out on it. It wasn't really any issue at all. He simply lost interest in her.

And that had hurt her a lot because of her love for him. It was growing with every passing day, every minute of every day and ever second of every minute. She saw him as like her husband and even though they were only dating, his parents seemed to share the same kind of thinking as she did about them. So when he told her that he no longer loved her, no longer liked her even, it was heartbreaking. Her world had become completely dark at that point and for a moment after he had said it she could only stare at him, dumbfounded. But apparently the shock wasn't over. It seemed that he had fallen in love with the girl on his team. Saying that they were meant for each other and a perfect match.

Even the skies didn't pity her. She was left there alone on the street, watching his frame disappear against the haze of the snowfall. And all she could do was stand there. She couldn't think anymore of what she could do or what she wanted to do. She spent an hour or so of that night just standing there. She was oblivious of the cold, oblivious that she was not properly clothed for the sudden chdanbe of weather. She didn't care simply. She was so surprised that she couldn't even cry. It was just that shocking.

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[❥;; bexx]

Flashback

She was certain that her tears would spill as she recounted the story of that one night to her brother. Although not surprised at what he was being told, he was surprised that Kai had been so harsh. No, he wasn't just surprised; he was angry. Nobody treated his sister like a toy and got away with it, that was the number one rule. But he could do nothing about it because he was only being honest. In fact he had to give him a little bit of respect too because he had been honest. If Kai had chosen to withhold the truth from her, the hurt would have been much bigger. He found himself unable to bring out any kind of reaction except for nods whenever was necessary. He felt like such a bad brother.

And as she wrapped up the story, he would pat her on the head like a small child. It wasn't a gesture out of childishness or thinking that she was a child. Instead he didn't want to hug her and had chosen to just pat her gently on the head and squeeze her hands gently. It was all she could do. He knew how much she despised it when people touched her or got too close so a hug wasn't the best idea. It was only when she sought a hug was he allowed to return one. That was an unwritten rule. But apparently even gesture had made her cry, or had given her a reason to spill her tears. For a moment the two of them sat there in the living room in silence save for the sniffles that came from Sayuri.

She was not sure why she wanted to cry so badly. It wasn't that she hadn't shed tears since the night of the event. She had cried her heart out when she got home and was in the comforts of her own room, away from everyone. She had cried so much that her eyes hurt; cried so hard that she fell asleep while doing so only to wake up a couple hours later to cry again. She thought that that was enough. There were days where she felt nothing but depression hit her like a brick. In fact she had spent about five days in complete solitude just so that she could calm herself. It was one of those things that if she couldn't get through herself she would end up lashing out at everyone else.

That was definitely not needed. She was an insane person to begin with, with random mood swings whenever she was in one of those fits. To have her react so negatively towards the news of his leaving her would have unleashed more than just her wrath. In the days that she hid herself in her room she had thought about committing suicide, ending the life that she didn't have a reason to live. But she had managed to convince herself that dying was not the best option. In fact it wasn't the only option left in her life. She was fifteen and had her whole life ahead of her.

And that was what had kept her moving forward. She had thought that it wouldn't hurt her that much because she was so young and this was her first love. But the love she gave was unconditional and unmatched. Even though it was supposedly puppy love she had given everything to ensure that her love for him was pure. But he had gone and stepped on her dignity, broke her heart and took a part of her away. She vowed that she would never forgive this man and if she could she would make him suffer. But to this day she still hadn't enacted on that. Perhaps she still loved him secretly--perhaps--