Insensitive [Internal Monologue]

[.DEVIOUS]

The realm of Kaminari no Kuni truly is beautiful, I thought to myself, as I observed my surroundings. I stood there alone, not for any true reason, but rather because I knew that I needed to think There had been a lot of things that had happened to me recently - from fighting not one but two Bijuu, meeting Kii, considering leaving Konoha, and changing my idea of myself. I had been a monster, a terrifying one who had witnessed the birth and death of many things, but now... now I was different.

Did I like the direction that I had gone? I certainly seemed to be generally at peace with myself, which was a nice change from the constant warring within my battle-scarred psyche, but at the same time, I was beginning to lose the sadistic edge that had always given me the advantage inside of a fight. The sadism was fading, the masochism was vanishing, and I was becoming void of all that I used to be. Was this the direction I should be heading?

Battle could and would become difficult as I was transitioning. Whereas before I had relied almost exclusively on melee prowess, it was now coming to the point where I was more talented in the use of Ninjutsu than Taijutsu. In a world with such physically imposing monsters, it seemed as though this was the correct course of action, but still I questioned, still I wondered, what would happen when I encountered the type of monster who could only be felled by physical strength.

Would I become nothing, then? A vanishing shadow caught at high noon, a nothing, a non-entity? As I poured over these thoughts, I sighed to myself and continued to look around the mountainous terrain. The chill air filled my lungs and I resisted the urge to shiver. It was only then that I decided that I would climb. A decision made, I squared my shoulders and slowly began my ascent up the tallest peak that I had seen yet. Would I make it? Only time would tell.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[.DEVIOUS]

The base of the mountain was fairly uninteresting. There were scattered rocks and a little bit of flora, but the truth of the terrain was that it was ugly and barren. The symbolism of this place was not lost upon me. Was it possible that where I had started I had been nothing? At the time, it had seemed was though I had had everything - a village that detested and feared me, a powerful body that had yet to fail me in combat, and a knack for getting on the bad side of everything and everyone.

I had been single minded in purpose then, with the only goal to fight, to kill, and to survive. At the time, it had seemed so marvelous, so potent and enough to keep me entertained. I had eaten all the candy that I could find as a ruse, to agitate and confuse my opponents, to give the illusion that I didn't care about them or their assaults. The ruse was so incredible that I had managed to fool even myself, pulling the wool over my eyes for over a decade while I struggled with my own internal feelings and desires.

The barren wasteland that had been my emotional climate had been pathetic, now that I look back on it. Living solely for the fight was a bad way to go about things. My earlier confusion about if I were making the right decisions or not for leaving those things behind me was suddenly cleared. This was definitely the right path for me. The more that I considered this, the more that I seemed to climb. Each step that I took furthered my resolve, and it wouldn't take too much longer before I began to notice the tiniest of changes.

Here and there, I saw tiny bits of flowers, beautiful things lost amongst the gray of the rocks, boulders, and gravel. With a heavy heart, I looked over to the flowers and stopped to bend down and observe one. The flower certainly seemed beautiful, and so with interest I reached my hand out to attempt to pick it. As my fingers grasped around the stem, I felt a sting of pain and quickly withdrew my hand. The flower's base was covered completely with thorns.

I gasped as I watched the tiny drops of my red liquid begin to fall down my hand, the blood proving to me my humanity. These flowers reminded me of how I used to feel before and after every fight. Everything had been bleak and useless, except for when I was fighting another person. But afterwards, I always felt so tired, more spiritually than physically, because I knew that I didn't want to hate all of these people. I felt as though I lost a little bit more of myself every time. Shaking my hand, I moved away from the flower and looked back up towards the summit of the peak, still so far away.

I needed to keep climbing.

[/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]