A New Jutsu!
Sept 27, 2011 5:59:50 GMT -8
Post by .DEVIOUS on Sept 27, 2011 5:59:50 GMT -8
Starting off with some minor formatting changes, please un-center the range area listed. After that, you need to capitalize the 'D' in 'Description', and then you need to add the 'Domain' section of the jutsu underneath the description. Inside of the domain you'd need to say that the technique required Katon, or simply saying "Katon" will suffice if you'd like.
After that, I was reading the technique and to be honest I have no clue what on earth that it does. I understand the initial part where you expel the flames from your mouth which form a ring of fire whose distance is equal to the range allowed by the technique, but after that you don't really give any indication in which way the technique is supposed to move. I can infer that the ring of fire attempts to close in on the opponent and, upon the circle completely closing in on itself it forms the symbol for Fire (I assume you mean Kanji by symbol, right?). If that's the case then it needs to be worded (a lot) better so that it is easier to understand the complete process of the technique. Also, since you're making a ring of fire in an attempt to trap an opponent (one can assume), you'll need to state a maximum height for the flames as well.
The distance of the technique needs to include the word "diameter" - ex: D: 10 Meters Diameter. The size of the jutsu is already large enough that I won't allow the use of a radius because then it would be much too big.
The final sentence needs to be removed in its entirety, because there's not a technique on the board that we'll allow the technique to be so undefeatable. It will be assumed that the technique requires a defense of the same rank (since that's how all offensive jutsu work), so you don't need to clarify the strength of the technique.
Finally, your chakra costs should be Low - Massive.
After that, I was reading the technique and to be honest I have no clue what on earth that it does. I understand the initial part where you expel the flames from your mouth which form a ring of fire whose distance is equal to the range allowed by the technique, but after that you don't really give any indication in which way the technique is supposed to move. I can infer that the ring of fire attempts to close in on the opponent and, upon the circle completely closing in on itself it forms the symbol for Fire (I assume you mean Kanji by symbol, right?). If that's the case then it needs to be worded (a lot) better so that it is easier to understand the complete process of the technique. Also, since you're making a ring of fire in an attempt to trap an opponent (one can assume), you'll need to state a maximum height for the flames as well.
The distance of the technique needs to include the word "diameter" - ex: D: 10 Meters Diameter. The size of the jutsu is already large enough that I won't allow the use of a radius because then it would be much too big.
The final sentence needs to be removed in its entirety, because there's not a technique on the board that we'll allow the technique to be so undefeatable. It will be assumed that the technique requires a defense of the same rank (since that's how all offensive jutsu work), so you don't need to clarify the strength of the technique.
Finally, your chakra costs should be Low - Massive.
