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—innate destruction

“ Though my time speaking with Blanche had been short, I was glad I’d gotten the chance to meet her. Not becuase she’d saved my life--though I was certainly thankful for that--but because she was really quite the interesting person! A new friend was always welcome, at least for me. Now though, she had to leave, and I understood; she would have her own things to tend to, and soon, so would I. She instructed me to rest for a little while longer, and reminded me that I wouldn’t always be as fortunate as I was that she had been here. I nodded at her firmly, indicating that I understood the thought all too well. Hopefully she wouldn’t worry about me too much. When she thanked me for what little I’d given her in return for my life, I simply looked to her and smiled; then she noted that she might stop by sometime.

”I’d like that! Take care!” Then, I was alone. She’d gone, and I was left with my back against a broken tree, still completely exhausted, but altogether restless. Still, the distraction of conversation and come and gone, and now I was left only with myself, only to swim within my own thoughts. I took the time to examine one of my arms again, staring at it intently--curiously--turning it over, as if it was foreign to me. Yet, I wasn’t truly studying my arm; instead, I was struggling with myself. These scars were more than grotesque trophies from a struggle I’d survived. They were reminders of my naivete, and my weakness; reminders of the true nature of this world, and a testament to my newfound resolution. Things had changed, and I narrowed my eyes, staring at nothing as I pondered the thought.

I wasn’t the same person anymore. I couldn’t be. Now, I had to grow up, had to abandon the childish dreams I’d had before of a perfect world. Peace couldn’t be obtained without death, no matter how badly I wanted it. If there was a way for me to accept that, then I was already moving forward. And I would always be moving forward, because I couldn’t let myself take the time to look back. My sorry state, deprived of chakra and only conscious due to my restless mind, was what happened when I held onto the ideals I’d had before. That was something I couldn’t allow. I couldn’t be the responsibility of others, and I couldn’t die, either. I had too many things to do.

Where was it that I stood, then? With myself, and in this world, and where I wanted to go--they all had changed in an instant. And there were too many things to decide on, and too many factors. I wanted too many things. For now, though, it would all have to wait. Now I was looking at my arms--not just through them, but really taking it in--and I cringed. They were disgusting, not only in appearance, because of what the represented, for me. Using a bit of my remaining chakra, I began to create bandages from the materials I found around myself, and took the time to wrap my arms and hands as I always did. Gripping the bandage with my teeth, I made a fist and pulled with my mouth, tightening the wraps until I was satisfied.

”Ahh--” I sighed, falling to the side with my hands under my head, looking up at the sky. ”I really got myself into some trouble . . .” ”

» and we're crashing like the waves in the sea,

and we're movin' to your heart, this time «

› Note: Exit!
› Tagged: ---
› Listening to: Do You - Yiruma

—innate destruction

“ I guessed I could understand the sort of life she had, then. Wandering, never really having any sort of set plan, yet with a bigger goal in heart. Hell, that was sort of how things were going with me now, and that was how I’d ended up so injured. Still, I had a place to return to, although I knew it wouldn’t be my home for much longer, if I wanted to fulfill my own goals. Until then, though, I did have a sort of agenda to attend to.

Her question to me brought me to think of Masuerta again. There was no way for me to know where he’d gone for now, though I might take it upon myself to search for him once I’d recovered. That was still undecided, however--and until then, I’d need to sit still and regain my energy, and my chakra. But that brought me to the answer to Blanche’s question, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed about that, too. I very well could have died because of the decision I’d made, and it was reckless.

But, really, I hadn’t met him too long before. Sure, I referred to him as my friend, and he was, but there was no special bond aside from that of acquaintances. Perhaps in time, there would be, though not if I’d gotten myself killed. Either way, that was the reason I’d done so--I wasn’t his responsibility, and for him to have to go to such lengths for me was selfish of me.

”Well . . .” I said, looking out in the direction I’d seen Masuerta leave. ”He took me along with him, but eventually I slipped out on my own. I told him that I didn’t want him burdening himself because of my carelessness, though it seems I just burdened someone else . . .” I looked to Blanche, and I was sure she would understand that she was the one I was referring to. After all, since I’d took it upon myself to take care of what had happened to me, I’d been unable to, and Blanche had ended up doing so. ”Honestly . . . I’m not sure where he would have gone. Something tells me he probably didn’t go back to Konohagakure, though.” He wasn’t exactly the type to sit still, or take orders, so going to Konohagakure was probably the last thing he wanted to do.

”I don’t know, I’ll probably go find him, after I’ve rested,” I said, still looking out to the horizon. ”He’s pretty reckless, so he might get into trouble.” It was said in a light, playful manner, though it was true nonetheless. ”

» and we're crashing like the waves in the sea,

and we're movin' to your heart, this time «

› Note: ---
› Tagged: Apple!
› Listening to: Blockhead - 11:35

—innate destruction

“ So she’s just wandering, because she lost her home . . . I thought, thinking back to how I’d come across Konohagakure again after the war. Part of me felt a bit guilty, because although I wasn’t born in Konohagakure, it was still my home later in life, and I held no loyalties to it. It wasn’t that I particularly liked any place more than the other, or that I held some discontent about Konohagakure, but rather that serving as a Konoha-nin served to make my goals harder. I couldn’t help unite the villages as one--to help end the conflict, and to prevent any more wars like the previous--if my loyalties lied with one village. So I knew, eventually, I would have to leave them, even if it meant being branded as a traitor and being hunted. As long as I was strong enough, I could do it.

Her question made me smirk a bit, almost mischievously. Frankly, my being in this place was entirely coincidental and a bit irresponsible of me. I’d just gotten swept up in the thirst for . . . adventure, I guess. Masuerta was the one who drove me to come out here in the first place. So I looked down at Blanche, rubbing at the back of my neck, embarrassed, and laughing.

”I was here on accident, actually. I was away from home, traveling with a friend, and we heard the Hachibi from quite a ways away, and managed to catch glimpse of it destroying this village,” I said, motioning to the ground we stood upon, where the village had been. ”And, well, you know the rest.” This time, I didn’t think about the lives that were lost, didn’t fall into the slump I had before. It was just a fact, nothing more. That was how I wanted to treat it, so that I could move on to save the countless remaining lives in the world.

Sighing, I set my hands behind my head, interlocking them, and fell backwards, one leg raising into the air as I did. With a thump, I landed on the ground, head resting against my hands and a light smile on my face. The sun above had finally come out of its hiding place, and the world was brighter--more full of light.

”So what will you do now? Leave here, and wander some more?” ”

» and we're crashing like the waves in the sea

and we're movin' to your heart, this time «

› Note: ---
› Tagged: Apple!
› Listening to: I - Yiruma